Greatest Masterbator

[Divino1]

Well I would like to vote for myself on that one. 3, 4, 5 times a day. I think masturbating can save the world from violence. If all armies masturbated before fighting then they wouldn't feel like fighting anymore. They would release all their tension. Thank you and God bless. Please jump on board for the cause:
MASTURBATION SAVE THE WORLD.

[Gary G]

What a wanker

[The-Clash]

Well I vote for myself om that one. 3, 4, 5 times a day. I think masterbating can save the world fromm violence. If all armies masterbated before fighting then they wouldnt feel like fighting anymore. They would release all their tension. Thank you and God bless. Please jump on board for the cause:
MASTURBATION SAVE THE WORLD.

And your proud of that??

Here's an idea. Why don't you get a GIRLFRIEND!

[tom pain]

Congratulations mate - you've just made a pratt of yourself in front of mnay, many people. As pointed out earlier - get a girl. Though if this is your way of making an impression taxi fare for one person should be sufficent.

What a wanker

And in more ways than one.


EDIT: Just wondering, which one do you wank with - the one down your pants or the one on your head?

[o0oGedo0o]

^^^ lol well that's too much man, how can you even walk ? i bet you do nothing but it then .. you won't be able to play football or even walk to the kitchen to bring a glass of water .. remind me not to handshake you

[SmAaTtAtN]

are you being serious? how old are you? if you're twelve years old it can be understandable

[Scarface]

Congratulations mate - you've just made a pratt of yourself in front of mnay, many people. As pointed out earlier - get a girl. Though if this is your way of making an impression taxi fare for one person should be sufficent.

What a wanker.

And in more ways than one.


EDIT: Just wondering, which one do you wank with - the one down your pants or the one on your head?

Hahaha, I hope it was a joke, for his sake :confused: Could be a contender for one of the monthly awards though ;)

[jMz]

June 26, 1976
That's the birthdate on his profile, so quite worryingly he is a little older than 12.
You'll go blind.

[tom pain]

You'll go blind.

Or he'll rip it off in a fit of self-passion.

Wow 28-years old. That's a bit dodgy (bit being understatement of the year) for this kind of thing. Rules should be:

1) Don't do it that often. Can't be good and you could get RSI.

2) If you choose to ignore 1, then at least don't tell anyone. This kind of information is not taken very well except for the other 3 knobs in the world who are exactly the same. These are the kind of people who have their own message board dedicated to the topic, send out weekly newsletters and spend the rest of their times writing haikus about it.

3) If you ignore the first 2, please oh please do not encourage others to take part. It's just not right. Yes our soldiers are away from theur partners in Iraq; yes they may have to partake in a bit of snake choking - but it's not going to save the world. Don't fool yourself.

[Divino1]

Please all relax, well no I dont have a girlfriend but I am cute. I am adorable and have a boyish charm quality. I hope you all not jealous because I can actually get a girl, but I digress. Hey nothing wrong with self pleasurement. It's a beautiful thing. It's safe, clean , and regarding time management it's perfect. Oh by the way I can use my left or my right hand. I'm gifted thank you. Here's one more thing to think about. Do you think I care what anybody thinks? I'll answer that..NO.. I bet you one thing that this thread received the quickest 7 or 8 responses ever. Now lets think how dumb I really am..Thank You God Bless, Masturbation Save The World.. cheerio....

[tom pain]

Do you think I care what anybody thinks? I'll answer that..NO..

If you don't care what people think why post it on a message board? To get the message across? If you were within slapping range I'd give you a backhand (with a rubber glove on).

I bet you one thing that this thread received the quickest 7 or 8 responses ever. Now lets think how dumb I really am..

It's not a question of how dumb you are - more a matter of how sad, lonely, deprived and sick you are.

I have a suggestion: try replacing the term 'masterbator' with the more common alternative 'wanker' in the title thread. Both words have the same meaning, but now the thread title is much more appropriate.

[jMz]

I hope you all not jealous because I can actually get a girl,
If you can get a girl, why don't you? Instead of wanking all day?
And why on earth did you feel the need to share this info with everyone here?
P.s my vote for the worlds greatest wanker goes to you.

[Divino1]

To whom it may concern: I think eveyone here are just of bunch of sexually repressed football hooligans..Don't playa hate me. Hey Mr. Pain why all the hostility. I think you need to masturbate more than anyone.

[tom pain]

To whom it may concern: I think eveyone here are just of bunch of sexually repressed football hooligans..Don't playa hate me. Hey Mr. Pain why all the hostility. I think you need to masterbate more than anyone.

Why the hostility? Becuase I want you to know the information wasn't appreciated round here. And I hope I mis-read that last line. Sick freak.

[Divino1]

This is for Mr. Pain: Don't worry I still love you Tom. In a nonsexual manner of course. I straight like six o'clock. Don't worry I will not hold your sexual repressed thoughts against you. God Bless you all.

[-=[101st]=-]

if you're cute.. then thats okay... :rolleyes:

[jMz]

To whom it may concern: I think eveyone here are just of bunch of sexually repressed football hooligans..Don't playa hate me. Hey Mr. Pain why all the hostility. I think you need to masterbate more than anyone.
Don't get me wrong, just about everyone masturbates, but thankfully they choose to keep it private.
If I wanted to talk about that topic I would go to a specialist forum.
I don't care how many times you can crack off in a day, if you want to talk about PES4, or movies or other games, you are in the right place, but if you want to compete with other wankers you should maybe find another, more suitable message board.

[Divino1]

Hey jmz lighten up, ok you 24 years old relax. Gee, everybody did i just commit pesinsight.com murder...lol

[jMz]

Jackin World (http://www.jackinworld.com/)
Here, I even did the search for you...

[tom pain]

This is for Mr. Pain: Don't worry I still love you Tom. In a nonsexual manener of course. I straight like six o'clock. Don't worry I will not hold your sexual repressed thoughts against you. God Bless you all.

Don't ever include the words 'Tom', 'I', 'love' and 'you' in the same sentence ever again.

And I can't wait til Gunplay reads this. He might have something to say on this.

[Divino1]

Thanks jmz I appreciate it.. Oh by the way mr. pain i so scared...not.. I hope you get Pes 4 for the PC. I will play you online with a very boring defensive counter attack style and beat you 1- nil.. pain relax i just posted this thread to see what would happen i was right. thanks.. just messing with you guys..

[jMz]

From JackinWorld.com

CAN YOU MASTURBATE TOO MUCH?
For the first few months or years after they discover masturbation, almost all guys masturbate more often than they ever will in their lives. It's not uncommon for a 13- or 14-year-old to masturbate 3, 4, or even 5 or 6 times per day. (We even heard from a fellow who once managed to orgasm 22 times during a 24-hour period!) It's not surprising, then, that some guys worry they may be doing it too much. It is possible that time spent masturbating could be put to more productive use — but if you would have spent it just watching TV or something, don't worry about it. Just enjoy it and know that in a couple of years, you'll probably throttle back on your masturbatory habits somewhat.

[LiamK]

I bet you one thing that this thread received the quickest 7 or 8 responses ever. Now lets think how dumb I really am.

Dream on!

The 'Zyg's been kidnapped' topic would be on it's 20th page by now.

Amateur in comparison :)

[Divino1]

Wow I must be a champion. I feel so you young and vibrant. Thanks jmz. I love myself more now..lol

[tom pain]

There must have a better way of getting yourself known - now your going to be remembered as the guy who wanks repeatedly (whether you do it that much or not).

Oh by the way mr. pain i so scared...not..

Grow up.

[jMz]

Wow I must be a champion. I feel so you young and vibrant. Thanks jmz. I love myself more now..lol
LOL.
Respect....

[Divino1]

Like I care what you think. Can't we all just get along..lol

[jMz]

There must have a better way of getting yourself known - now your going to be remembered as the guy who wanks repeatedly (whether you do it that much or not).

LOL! LOL! LOL!

[Divino1]

I think its safe to say that I won the battle of the wits.. Thank you and god speed.

[tom pain]

I think its safe to say that I won the battle of the wits.

I beg to differ. All you won was 'Wankers Fortnightly: Issue 12' deprived male. Enjoy your £15 Virgin Megastores voucher.

[jMz]

I think its safe to say that I won the battle of the wits.. Thank you and god speed.
Nah, Tom Pain's comment on how you will be remembered here was by far the best post in this thread.

[Divino1]

I didnt buy Pes 4 through megastores. Riddle me this mr. genius. You said to get a life and stop wasting my time making this thread, but who is wasting time. You mr. pain by comming back over and over again. Your buddy jmz actually went to wankingit.com. who are the fools not me i say. You guys cant take a joke. pain I don't care if i'm the wanking guy. It could be worse I could be ugly..thank god i cute..lol

[Divino1]

Oh by the way I'm at my computer doing things for work. I can multitask unlike some people in this thread..lol So what's your reason for your constant visits jmz/pain.

[Badgerman]

YAWN

[tom pain]

You mr. pain by comming back over and over again. Your buddy jmz actually went to wankingit.com. who are the fools not me i say.

I'm on the forums anyway brainiac, and I check this thread every few minutes to see what reply you have for my comments.

And jMz made this thread even funnier by getting the link. Who's sad? Definetly not us.

[Divino1]

Once again you miss the point. Ok enough I posted the thread to get a reaction, and you just admitted that you been waiting for my reply. Hello anyone home that is exactly what I wanted from the people here. I excuse you because you young and you dont have a sense of humor but jms 24 he should know when someone is joking.. I can't believe you got so upset. I agree with badgerman YAWN, no more replies from me. You guys no fun..

[50!]

You guysd no fun..

Aye very good, now feck off ya wanker.

[jMz]

I hope you don't think I'm having a go at you?
I can take a joke, that's why I come back here, that's why I posted the link, that's why I said respect when you took words of criticism with a smile.
You aren't the only one who is joking, I am often misunderstood because of my perfectly typed english.
No hard feelings, if you knew me better, you'd know I'm pretty much always joking.
My humour is dry and sarcastic. I don't intend to be nasty...

[Fab]

This thread has shot up to 4pages so quick. Not bad Divino i must say.

[Divino1]

See Fab got my point. Yes jmz I know we were just playing off each other. It's fun to push buttons, but just a little.lol Anyway you dont have to say no hard feelings I never was upset. I was just bored working thats all. So to make time go faster I posted the thread. Thanks for the help..lol I hope we can play Pes 4 pc online someday.

[Mohanned]

Thats the stupidist thread I read in my life

[Badgerman]

Finished. End of.

No more.

mmkay?

No more posting.

[jMz]

Finished. End of.

No more.

mmkay?

No more posting.
SIR, YES SIR!

[Badgerman]

Too easy.

[jMz]

Too easy.
What is? Your Ma?

[Mohanned]

jMz cool down mate

[jMz]

jMz cool down mate
The badger knows I'm jesting... Don't fret yourself...

[Divino1]

Hello eveyone, I just wanted to see the thread last longer on the main page..lol

[Flipper the Priest]

One day I went for as many as I could.

Once I managed 12 I was creamed.

Boom! Boom!

[Divino1]

still going..lol

[-=[101st]=-]

12 times? horny little bastard...

[Itachi-san]

man, -=[101st]=-, your avatar reminds me of that funny ep of family guy. LMAO. :D

[-=[101st]=-]

well.. thats what its for.. and.. to gross people out.. i have another FG corker.. but.. that will come later...

[Zoidberg]

Don't talk about corkers in a masturbation thread, please.

[-=[101st]=-]

lol.. or what someone might 'pop a cork'?? :D

[The-Clash]

From JackinWorld.com

CAN YOU MASTURBATE TOO MUCH?
For the first few months or years after they discover masturbation, almost all guys masturbate more often than they ever will in their lives. It's not uncommon for a 13- or 14-year-old to masturbate 3, 4, or even 5 or 6 times per day. (We even heard from a fellow who once managed to orgasm 22 times during a 24-hour period!) It's not surprising, then, that some guys worry they may be doing it too much. It is possible that time spent masturbating could be put to more productive use — but if you would have spent it just watching TV or something, don't worry about it. Just enjoy it and know that in a couple of years, you'll probably throttle back on your masturbatory habits somewhat.

Dude, your reading too much into this, you don't wanna end up like Divino1.

[Travis Bickle]

I was twenty-five years old before I was kissed,
and then I found that I preferred a swift one off the wrist.
It's cheap and convenient, you can't catch VD.
It's available at any time and it's absolutely free.
And that's why

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

Oh, Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters,
thank you for having me and being oh, so kind.
I've got pains in my arms and my dong is growing shorter,
My knees have turned to water, and I think I'm going blind.
I've wanked over Italy, I've wanked over Spain.
I've wanked in an omnibus, I've even had a wank in a train.
I've used a badger and a melon and a cat,
an inflatable Linda Lovelace, and a Davy Crockett hat.
And that's why

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

[nath_scfc]

I was twenty-five years old before I was kissed,
and then I found that I preferred a swift one off the wrist.
It's cheap and convenient, you can't catch VD.
It's available at any time and it's absolutely free.
And that's why

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

Oh, Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters,
thank you for having me and being oh, so kind.
I've got pains in my arms and my dong is growing shorter,
My knees have turned to water, and I think I'm going blind.
I've wanked over Italy, I've wanked over Spain.
I've wanked in an omnibus, I've even had a wank in a train.
I've used a badger and a melon and a cat,
an inflatable Linda Lovelace, and a Davy Crockett hat.
And that's why

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.
:D I haven't heard that one before, its class nonetheless.

[Travis Bickle]

It's off "men behaving badly".


Anyone read "trainspotting", when spud picks up a dead squirrel and these old women are looking over in disgust and renton shouts "remember to wrap gaffa tape round it, so it doesn't split when you fuck it."

A bit off-topic but keeping to the same low-brow humour. Irvine Welsh also has a character in one of his short stories who regularly fucks a melon ?!?!?! I think the guy's obsessed with masturbation.

[The-Clash]

It's off "men behaving badly".


Anyone read "trainspotting", when spud picks up a dead squirrel and these old women are looking over in disgust and renton shouts "remember to wrap gaffa tape round it, so it doesn't split when you fuck it."

A bit off-topic but keeping to the same low-brow humour. Irvine Welsh also has a character in one of his short stories who regularly fucks a melon ?!?!?! I think the guy's obsessed with masturbation.

Maybe Divino1 is Irvine Welsh?

[Divino1]

I prefer pumpkins instead of melons. Pumpkins look like ass..hmmm especially nice and warm pumpkins..lol

[Flipper the Priest]

I was twenty-five years old before I was kissed,
and then I found that I preferred a swift one off the wrist.
It's cheap and convenient, you can't catch VD.
It's available at any time and it's absolutely free.
And that's why

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

Oh, Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters,
thank you for having me and being oh, so kind.
I've got pains in my arms and my dong is growing shorter,
My knees have turned to water, and I think I'm going blind.
I've wanked over Italy, I've wanked over Spain.
I've wanked in an omnibus, I've even had a wank in a train.
I've used a badger and a melon and a cat,
an inflatable Linda Lovelace, and a Davy Crockett hat.
And that's why

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker.
and it does me good like it bloody well should.
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
and I'm always pulling my pud'.

It's a song by a chap called Ivor Biggun (well, that's his stage name, anyway) and it's available on all good P2P networks, and some rubbish ones as well.

[bish1]

Pumpkins look like ass

David Dickinson's arse?

[Lorenzinho]

This is fucking freaky...It's just...Eughhhhh! Keep yourself to yourself please.

Are you gay, Divino1? Is that why you dont have a girl? Is that why you spank the monkey so much?

Im asking this with all seriousness...

P.S. :D at Travis. Ha Ha. Made ma day...

[jMz]

Dude, your reading too much into this, you don't wanna end up like Divino1.
Just doing my part to try and help him out.
It doesn't take much to put masturbation in google then copy and paste a paragraph into a forum. I wouldn't say that was reading into it too much...

[thebeast2020]

all i have too say is its mastur not master

[Mohanned]

How can people post in this I dont know ???????

[mutu]

Nice thread, let's make him an admin

:rolleyes:

Whats the difference between an egg and a good wank?

[Mohanned]

What mutu?

[mutu]

You can beat an egg but..


ba boom tssk

[Mohanned]

Now thats funny

[mutu]

Who's Peter Kay!

I'm here all week

;)
personally I thought the one before was better

[nath_scfc]

You can beat an egg but..


ba boom tssk
Wrong thread, poor example from a Mod. Tut Tuts.

Great joke though!! :D

[The-Clash]

I prefer pumpkins instead of melons. Pumpkins look like ass..hmmm especially nice and warm pumpkins..lol

Divino1 is like one of those guys whos named and shamed in the News of the World, then subsequently their house is attacked by chavs.

[Gunplay]

And I can't wait til Gunplay reads this. He might have something to say on this.
Indeed.

28 years of age and going on Internet forums to mention how consistant you are at wanking. Is it me or does that sound disturbing ?

You can wank as much as you like, but no need to share this self-pleasuring session with us. It's nothing new, nothing innovative, nothing life saving.

p.s I hope one day you decide to wank near machinery or a cheese grater which ends your tossing career.

[pier69]

Divino1 ur a cool guy , and i think masturbating is normal , i masturbate once every 3 days . and i sstarted when i was.....i dun remember...., anyway . WPW , World Peace and Wanking

[jMz]

Divino is a cool guy indeed. I admire anyone who throws themselves into the line of fire and takes all the bullets like a man! We all have something to learn from him: Don't admit how much you wank in public...

GREAT joke Mutu.... You can beat an egg but... lol....