"BarnDoor's Wrestling Down-and-Out Club"

[BarnDoor]

I can't double post so I'll have to space these out. Some vintage classics with added information where available.

"BarnDoor's Wrestling Down-and-Out Club", aka "BarnDoor's Abortion of the Week"

The title tells it all, we will examine the evolution of wrestlers from their small beginnings to the (relevant) big time and then culminating in that always amusing stage of a wrestler's career, the 'down-and-out' period. Its almost like a "Whatever happened to....?" type-thing but a good deal harsher and a lot funnier. Anyway today's (un)lucky recipient and the first member of the club is:

MIKE JONES, BEST KNOWN AS VIRGIL IN THE WWF/E and VINCENT IN WCW

Mike began his life in the WWF as Virgil, the bodyguard of the brilliant Million Dollar Man from about late 1987 to early 1991, when he rebelled against his rightful master:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/t/teddibiase/16.jpg

It was a good gig, and one he probably should have stuck with. He feuded with Dibiase for a while, becoming the only man ever to win the Million Dollar Belt from him before becoming a mid-card face for a couple of years and leaving the company in early 1994. A notable aspect of this period for Virgil was being the unfortunate first man to face Yokozuna at Survivor Series 1992, where he was hilariously squashed under Yoko's enormous arse crack:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/m/mikejones/02.jpg

Virgil kicked his heels for two and half years, possibly rimming men or blowing cocks up alleyways for cash, when he got the gig of a lifetime, getting the call from Mr Bischoff to come and join WCW and more importantly, become the head of security for the NWO, and being reunited with Ted Dibiase once more. He was now Vincent, seemingly a knock at WWF Chairman, Vince McMahon. Here he resided for over two and half years, being a great lackey and servant of the Black and White, always taking beatings and providing assistance in his 'managerial' role on the outside. We all loved him at this point and he was really part of the gang. His career arguably peaked, even though he barely wrestled. Do not however be fooled into thinking he was important or significant in any way, as that would be a fatal error.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/t/teddibiase/15.jpg

When the NWO disbanded and WCW really careered off the rails in late 1999 Vincent was stuck in a rut and clearly the writers had no job for him. At first they changed his name to Shane (yet another jab at the WWF) and threw him into shit WCW Saturday Night matches, but no one cared and it lasted about five minutes. In a last-ditch attempt to give him something to do, he was then turned into Curly Bill, a 'hilarious' new member of the West Texas Rednecks, a really wank stable led by 'Mr Perfect' Curt Hennig, 'hilarious' in that he was a black cowboy who hung around with white rednecks. Deservedly, it died almost imminently, and Mike Jones' career in the WCW was well and truly dead.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/w/westtexasrednecks/02.jpg

He hung around with the company a while longer as Mike Jones before being released in 2000. According to Wikipedia, "He has worked in the independent circuit ever since while also making regular memorabilia show and military goodwill appearances." ObsessedwithWrestling lists the following appearances under their 'Other' section:

# January 29, 2005 - WrestleReunion: Virgil participated in a Legends Battle Royal which was won by Greg "The Hammer" Valentine..
# Mike Jones occasionally appears at Sports Trading Card shows in the Cleveland area...
# March 5, 2006--World Wrestling Legends PPV: Rick Steiner defeated Virgil in a squash..
# April 2006: Doink The Clown (Dusty Wolfe) went on tour in Korea, Japan, Guam, and Hawaii (Virgil defeated Doink)..

These rather-wank sounding 'Sports Trading Card' shows might lead you to think he was still popular, but this could not be further from the truth. I present to you now the pay-off of this article, showing Mike 'Virgil/Vincent' Jones at one of these shitstabber-fests just last year:

http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/1934/virgil22nz.jpg

As the picture shows, Mike is now truly a 'down-and-out', enjoys a 'failed career' and is now a 'wretched abortion'. Its all brilliantly funny stuff - I almost died laughing the first time I saw it. No one gives a shit about him anymore. According to a fairly recent article on WWE's website, he is currently a Maths teacher. For one there is no way this is true since we all know Virgil was constantly beaten at school and never learned anything. Secondly, even if it is, I'm sure he's been fired for breaking in a student by now. As of right now, BarnDoor predicts he's most likely dead in a ditch somewhere with a needle in his arm, a bottle of vodka in his hand and a 14" dildo rammed up his crack.

Poor old Mike eh lads?

[Bish]

Virgil is God.

Didn't you post this ages ago?

[Miggy]

That's brilliant. The good ol' days of wrestling. Well the days I actually watched the crap.

[BarnDoor]

Virgil is God.

Didn't you post this ages ago?

Yes, but I'm putting all of them in this tread for the sake of ease.

Now a wrestler i actually like, a good athlete with one of the best sculpted bodies in the history of wrestling and had everything going for him but is now hit rock bottom and probably at this very moment spreading his arse cheeks to punters in underground men's toilets for a few dollars. Today is the turn of:

LAURENCE WENDELL PFOHLl, BEST KNOWN AS LEX LUGER IN THE WWF/E and IN WCW

Laurence began his career in 1985 in the NWA Florida territory. He scored a victory at Halloween Havoc 1985, then later fought the then NWA champion Ric Flair to a draw after a sixty minute match and fought in a legendary Steel Cage match with Bruiser Brody where Brody stopped co-operating with Luger, so Lex left the ring and soon went to work in WCW in 1987:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/10/lugervsflair.jpg

Luger became the total package and soon joined the Four Horsemen, where the gash was kicked out of the horseman amongst much back stabbing. He fought Flair at the Great American Bash '88 and lost in a very controversial manner. After a defeat at Starrcade two months later Luger became a stale vaginal matter that was stuck defending the US title against other likewise shitstabber who had no real right to live. Sting often got injured and they brought the blond haired snatch in as a replacement but the fans didn't really give two shits:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/l/lexluger/09.jpg

Further wank developed. Flair left and took the title with him and luger was thrown into a wank feud with Barry Windham and then a racial type feud with Ron Simmons which was equally cancerous. The WCW didn't really want the cunt and who could blame them? Luger left and soon signed to WWE in the World Bodybuilding Federation owned by Vinny Mac and we all know how well that wank did. Luger became the a heel and later became an american hero type which no one gave three shits about. His body was pumped so much with steroids he probably didn't give a shit anyway. He was to win the title at Wrestlemania X against Yokozuna but got pissed off his head and started telling people of the outcome. Word soon spread and the title aspirations of Luger was fucking extinct and his career in WWE fucking died as he was thrown later into an allied powers type tag team with a long haired pissflap called the British Bulldog. No one cared and very soon Lex was off down South to suck off Sting:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/a/alliedpowers/01.jpg

Luger joined WCW again in 1995. Bischoff didn't really want him there and but his old rimmer Sting helped him out for some reason, probably sexual. Yet by mid 96 Luger was very popular as he and a few other big names led WCW in the war against the NWO. Luger got battered at Fall Brawl, but still held out against overwhelming forces when it was surely better if he had lay down and fucking died. But he was still popular and managed to win the WCW/NWO title from Hogan in August 1997 and lost it six days later proving his wankness:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/l/lexluger/04.jpg

Lex later became a member of the NWO Wolfpac which was wank but he was till liked. He later joined an NWO coalition which was ok for a few weeks but later died and although lex made you laugh, you wished the NWO would have raped him and hacked his head off:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/l/lexluger/22.jpg

In 1999 he hung around like a bad smell and later joined a wank thing called the "Magnificent Seven" but quite frankly no one cared about that or lex by that point. In 2002 he was presumed dead but sadly was seen alive in some indy wrestling fed acting the cunt. In 2003 old liz, macho man's ex bit of minge was found dead, they say it was drugs but i have it on stings word that Lex fucked her to death and then tortured racked her until police kicked him unconscious. These sad pictures says it all about the vadge, looking a right paedo by all accounts:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/5f/Lexlugermug.jpg

He was held in jail for a while probably getting arse assaulted by cons. Lex was last seen in TNA making a twat out of himself as some kind of potential partner of sting but no one cared at all. In a nice twist he recently had a spinal strike and remains in a wheelchair. Lex also found God, but unfortunately God didn't find him. He is currently believed to be living in a cardboard box in Virginia calling for sting to help him fight the NWO but is most likely dead in a canal with his wheelchair up his crack after being kicked to death by skater kids who were right to do it. Sadly he has a myspace account and i suggest you lot go there and give the cunt some much deserved abuse, its lexlugeronmyspace if you are interested, or at least it was anyway before he was brutally sodomized and had his throat slashed yesterday by a gang of rent boys who he refused to pay after a night of violent coke-fuelled orgies with Liz's corpse.

[HH]

Damn now there was a guy I enjoyed watching. Got anything on IRS, Razor Ramon or even Jim Neidhart or Marty Jannetty? I know Jannetty appeared on Raw once a few years back.

[BarnDoor]

None of those, but Jake's next.

[BarnDoor]

"BarnDoor's Wrestling Down-and-Out Club", aka "BarnDoor's Abortion of the Week"

And the third member of the club is (Drum roll please).......

AURELIAN SMITH JR., BEST KNOWN AS JAKE 'THE SNAKE' ROBERTS IN THE WWF/E AND WCW

Jake began his wretched career in 1975, winning the Mid-South North American Heavyweight title in 1981. He then wrestled for Georgia Championship Wrestling, where his fame grew under Paul Ellering's Legion of Doom stable. He soon won the NWA National Television title from the old cancer Ronny Garvin, who he soon feuded in. Around 1984 he is purported to have invented the DDT by accident, and his legendary finisher was born. Seeing his talent, Vinnie Mac brought him to the WWF in 1986:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/j/jakeroberts/25.jpg

Worryingly, one can see traces of a shit build in the above picture but Jake improved his physique and was brought in originally as a heel. Jake now begins to bring his pet python Damien to the ring, earning him his famous monicker. He quickly gets into a feud with Ricky Steamboat, most notably rather hilariously DDT'ing him onto the concrete floor, knocking him completely unconcious in a match! His success warranted a feud with Hogan, but the fans were cheering him so Vince decided to it best he turn face.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/04/dragonsnake.jpg

At Wrestlemania III Jake was accompanied by Alice Cooper where he played Honky Tonk Man, and by now was immensely popular. Frankly there was no one (arguably ever) better on the mic, he had great music, charisma, a tremendous finishing move, excellent ability and an unforgettable gimmick. He had a weekly slot called 'The Snake Pit', which saw him entertain guests like the Honky Tonk Man and crazy bastards like Kamala amongst others. He also had many memorable feuds in this era with the likes of Andre the Giant (88-89), Rick Rude (88) and the Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase (89-90). In late 1990 he was sprayed in the eyes with Rick Martel's perfume on Brother Love's segment, 'blinding' him in one eye. Their feud culminated in the memorable first-ever blindfold match at Wrestlemania VII, which Jake won. Here he was at the height of his popularity.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/j/jakeroberts/11.jpg

Soon Earthquake squashed and 'killed' Damien, and a distraught Jake soon turned heel after betraying the Ultimate Warrior and aligning with the Undertaker. He had a new snake, Lucifer, and started what is arguably his most notorious feud, with Macho Man Randy Savage at Summerslam 1991, when he and the Undertaker crashed his wedding, and forcing the Macho Man to come out of retirement and defend his honour. In late 1991 after a match jake insulted macho man with the latter running to the ring. Savage was tied up in the rope and Roberts let loose a devenomized Cobra on him, drawing blood from his arm. It was quite shocking at the time, but the feud never got the big time pay off it deserved, ending rather wankly on a Saturday Night's Main Event rather than at Wrestlemania VIII, which it deserved to. Instead Jake got into a war with Undertaker and backstage politics (he was apparently offered a writer's job which Vince changed his mind on) meant their match at Wrestlemania VIII in 1992, which Jake lost, was his last in the WWE. It is also worth noting he changed his music to a really shit remix of his classic one where he kept saying "Trust me, trust me" in the background, which could well have sealed his fate. He could do heel and face just as good, but the fans loved him more than anything and heel just wasn't really suited for him. It is widely considered a travesty that Jake here, in his peak and easily one of the top three faces of the era alongside Hogan and the Warrior never won a major title. He jumped ship to WCW in mid-1992, and this is where things get funny as Jake's life goes widely downhill.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/06/snakebite.jpg

Straight away Jake feuded with Sting for most of the year in WCW, culminating in a Coal Miners Glove match at Halloween Havoc 1992, which Jake lost. Things did not work out however and he left the company in early 1993. Any chance of success for Jake had no been lost and his career took a sharp nosedive into a huge barrel of steaming shit. He wrestled in Smokey Mountain Wrestling in 1994, winning the Smokey Mountain Heavyweight title, which no one gave a shit about, and in the same year he lost to Konnan in the AAA in a 'Hair vs. Hair' match, thus having to shave his head and leading many people to believe, given his growingly disgusting appearance that he actually had cancer. Jake spent a year and a half doing fuck all, and possibly blew men for cash, which he blew on drink and drugs before confronting his 'demons' by finding God in late 1995 (supposedly), an angle exploited by the WWF when he returned to the company at Royal Rumble 1996. ALLLLLLRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIGGG GGGGGGHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTT, JAKE'S BACK!!!!!

http://thomaswrestling.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/jakethesnake1.jpg

Except this wasn't the Jake we all knew and loved - his weight had spiralled out of control and though he never had the best of physique's Jake was truly now a fat bastard abortion who should have died along ago. If oen looks they can see immense gut protruding through his shirt, but at least mercifully he decided to wear one. The cancer rumours were unfortunately not true, and Jake returned with a new snake, 'Revelations'. His exit from the Rumble was truly brilliant, being eliminated by one punch which sent him half way across the ring and over the ropes from the debuting Vader. He now teamed up with Ahmed Johnson and Yokozuna to fight Cornette's faggot brigade of Vader, Owen Hart and the British Bulldog at Wrestlemania XII, and he was so shit that it was he who got pinned by Vader. He lost again a month later as In Your House 7, teaming with Johnson again against Bulldog and Owen, giving us great amusement as he tapped out to a rather pathetic looking leg hold from Bulldog, which seemed to hurt Jake immesely. He then entered the KOTR tournament, beating HHH in a qualifying match and advancing to the Semis to face Vader. Vader destroyed Jake in a stunningly funny match but got himself disqualified, sending a badly injured Jake to the final to face Austin. For the 41 year old, it seemed as though a 'Cinderella Man' style story was on the cards, especially when Gorilla came out half way through the final to give Jake time to recover and launch an assault on Austin. But in a largely one-sided match Austin regained control and delivered the finest stunner of all time to ensure that Jake's renaissance died as quickly as it started. As he was carried to the back, Austin sat on his throne triumphantly, mocking Jake's bible bashing antics with the line:

"You talk about your psalms and your John 3:16's, well Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!"

And thus, out of Jake's shitness, a legendary catchphrase was born. And then it truly went downhill.

http://us.geocities.com/shoeswrestlingpicturepage/IYH_Jake.jpg

The WWF had no idea what to do with a fat gash like Jake now and so they decided to throw him in a war with Mankind, which due to Jake being so unconditioned and unfit never materialized due to an injury, and we were robbed of what could have been a really funny Jake defeat. Jerry Lawler began to mock Jake's drink problem, and the pair feuded until Summerslam, where Jake suffered the utter ignamony of losing to The King, getting raw booze poured down his throat. He kept fading until Survivor Series, appearing on Marc Mero's team along with a debuting Rocky Maivia and the equally cancerous Stalker, played by Barry Windham - it was arguably the worst team in Survivor Series history. Jake eliminted Lawler with a DDT before finding himself on the wrong end of Crush's heart punch, and how we all nearly died laughing at Jake's reaction - he always made it look like it really hurt him. More concerningly, Jake came out topless, a truly appalling decision as he had tits and guts for days on end. He memorably shouted "We're really doing it!" shortly before his elimination. He had one last hurrah at Royal Rumble 1997, again minus top and dignity, but thankfully for all Austin eliminated him by backdropping him over the top rope while he attempted a DDT. With this, Jake's second run the WWF was over after a year filled with wank, one where he ruined a legacy and had became a fat disgusting rotting beared pissflap.

http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/images/reviews/76/1132521018.jpg

Jake made a couple of brief appearances in ECW in 1998, and went through all sorts of highly amusing problems in his private life - drink, drugs, break ups, family issues - mostly illustrated in the 'Beyond the Mat' documentary, where he comes across as a true down and out. He supposedly once wrestled for cocaine, which is the most down and out truly worthless shitstabbing act I've ever come across for a wrestler, and one of course of true hilarity. He moved to the UK in 2002 and wrestled at various shit federations here, proving his lack of talent now, and even appearing on Trisha, rather ironic considering the wretched abortions of society she has on her show, so Jake fitted right it. In early 2004 he was arrested for apparently starving his latest snake, another Damien to death, but escaped prison. He moved back to the US though and in early 2005 was arrested in Georgia for cocaine possession. In March 2005 he appeared on a RAW looking like a fat gash and was deservedly RKO'd by Randy Orton:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/j/jakeroberts/23.jpg

He worked with WWE and his shit-smelling DVD, 'Pick Your Poison', which we all laughed at and most likely only made about £10 from it, which he probably blew on drugs, drink, sex and young boys anyway. He went to TNA with the Original Sinn, who tried to sell a storyline of Jake being his manager, which, with good sense, TNA turned down. Most recently he appeared intoxicated at an indy event, and cried backstage afterwards, confirming his worthlessness. As of now he's currently wrestling in many wank insignificant wrestling federations which no one gives two shits about. Unfortunately therefore we know his whereabouts, which is a tremendous shame as we now know he is not dead, though we all wish he was. The sooner he drinks himself to death this world will be a greater place, as this former 'Legend' of the sport has tarnished his reputation irreversibly and should have died long ago, way before his 1996 comeback, which was about as good as eating a plate of blood-filled, shit smelling tampons. Mark my words he'll be dead soon, and I think that would put a smile on all our faces, the minge-loving cunt.

ADDENDUM:

I hear Jake actually lives in St. Albans these days. Tragically Jake was led down an alley by a trail of Smarties and kicked to death by a gang of chavs. He managed to take a couple with him with a double DDT to the concrete but they brutally snuffed his life out by cutting off his head with a Stanley knife. A sad end to a wretched gash mountain of a life.

[HH]

Good ol' Jake. Good one Barn, read bits of it and interesting enough.

These members, you dont really like them?

[Dragonfly]

Hahaha! I used to think Jake 'The Snake' Roberts was great. I even had a toy of him, with a shitty rubber snake and everything.

I'd like to find out what Jimmy Snuka and The Legion Of Doom are up to.

[BarnDoor]

Good ol' Jake. Good one Barn, read bits of it and interesting enough.

These members, you dont really like them?

I love Jake and Lex, but that doesn't mean I can't laugh at their lives stinking of shit these days. I also love this man:

RANDALL MARIO POFFO, BEST KNOWN AS THE "MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE IN THE WWF/E AND WCW

Randy Savage was at first a wank baseball player. He injured his right arm and began to train with his left, and we may presume that probably mass wanking sessions helped him with his south paw stance. He got into the wrestling scene with his pissflap-faced brother Lanny Poffo who you lot would know as the Genius. They entered the wrestling scene in the early 1970's and, after a wank few years in a poffo promotion which was shit and a turn in Memphis, soon headed their way north to the WWF and randy had just tagged himself a nice piece of arse in Miss Elizabeth, probably rutting her all the way to New York while Lanny lowered his ball bags into Liz mouth.

http://www.lannypoffo.com/06.jpg

His brother became a shit jobber, which was a bit of a shame really as he did actually have talent and was quite an athlete but no one gives a shit so i'll get back to his brother Randy. Macho Man made his PPV debut at the Wrestling Classic in 1985, a big event for the time period. In 1986 he won the IC title from Tito "Rancid Mexican slice" Santana thanks to an illegal weapon. In 1987 he had one of the best matches of his career and arguably one of the greatest of all time against Ricky Steamboat with that hairy cunt George "The animal" Steele throwing his green tongue about when we all know he wanted it up liz's vadge and Savage lost his title to Steamboat via a small package.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/r/randysavage/15.jpg

After Wrestlemania 3, Savage became quite popular, especially after being helped out by Hulk Hogan in a beatdown by the Hart Foundation and Honky Tonk Man. At Wrestlemania 4, with the aid of Hogan, he won the final of the World Championship tournament by beating the Million Dollar Man. This victory saw the cementation of the Mega Powers who probably recieved god-like powers by having constant threesomes with liz and maybe Brutus Beefcake possibly joining in. Hogan and savage would battle the Million Dollar Man, Andre the Giant and also the Twin Towers over the following months before Savage, jealous of Hogan, attacked him after he believed Hogan wanted liz. Savage would lose his title at Wrestlemania 5, and afterwards liz would be off on anyone's side who wanted her, as savage was stuck rimming Zeus, eating out Sherri's stale cooze, and finally becoming the top heel King Savage, who would later war with Dusty Rhodes and the Ultimate Warrior. The latter would force savage into retirement after a career ending match at Wrestlemania 7, where he confessed his love for Liz, turned face again and left some fat gashes crying in the crowd:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/04/machozues.jpg

Macho would come out of retirement to war with jake roberts after the cunt interrupted his wedding to that gash liz and would also use a cobra to bite randy and possibly (although not certain) shove a python up savage's mothers anal passage. He would also win the World Title of Ric Flair at Wrestlemania 8 before losing it again to the Nature Boy soon after. We all loved randy but after this event his career in the WWF went wank. After commentating and getting into war with Crush which no one gave two shits about, he moved on to WCW in late 94 with a huge money deal, a 6 million dollar contract with the bearded cunt Ted Turner.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/r/randysavage/43.jpg

Savage teamed up with Hogan to battle the Dungeon of Doom under their leader Kevin Sullivan, a midget-like shit stabber who no one ever liked. He battled against the likes of Zodiac, Shark and other tampons no one gave a flying fuck about and rightly so. He also warred with Ric Flair with Flair battering his wrinkled up father Angelo which is very funny as we all thought ric had killed him at one point. Sadly he lived which took the humour slightly from the incident. The Mega Powers would aid each other on and off and look really great while doing it, becoming WCW's top men along with Sting:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/m/megapowers/07.jpg

In mid 1996 the NWO formed and battered savage on many occasions and force him out of action in October. He would return four months later at Superbrawl and rather insanely join the NWO and help hogan cane that old minge Roddy piper. At this point we all loved savage as gang beatings were given to many WCW superstars by him and the NWO. He would feud with DDP later on in the year with some good, very rough matches and must have forced himself on Kimberly at some point. In early 1998 he decided to be a gash and leave the NWO and would later be in the shit Wolfpac which we all hated.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/m/megapowers/06.jpg

It was at this point savage went down hill faster than fluke's mother on punters. He took an injury and was out of commision and would later return for a brief cameo in an NWO/WCW fight in an NWO shirt and turn on the NWO. This didn't make much sense and we didn't see him again until spring stampede 99, where he looked like he had steroid cancer as he was huge and looked a cunt. He would have some slags team up with him but there names are not important lets just say we would shit on their tits and then facial them. He would hang around with Sid but by then we didn't give a shit what the dyed hair, balding, bearded shit-smelling snatch did. He feuded with Kevin Nash but left a few months later when that cunt Russo arrived and killed WCW. He left with his bandana's, Hogan's collection of male dildos and his brother's corpse under his arm and fucked off:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/t/teammadness/05.jpg

Savage appeared in Spiderman during this time out but no one cared. Much more funny was his sad and frankly blood-filled socket attempt at a rap album. Entitled "Be a rancid axe wound", Savage rapped about his hatred of hogan, how he really killed liz and how his dad use to stick his dick in savage's arse when he was put in a boston crab by his brother lanny. That, and his 'Perfect Friend' Curt Hennig, a song which, if Curt had ever heard, probably would have finished him off anyway:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/r/randysavage/50.jpg

He would attempt a comeback in TNA in 2004 but he stunk like a shit-filled nappy still attached to the dead baby after it had shit its pants when it was left in the lion cage in West Midlands Safari Park before it was eaten and shitted back out. No one knew who the cunt was and looking like he had grown some kind of pubic hair beard and devoid of most of his hair, who could blame them? In 2005 he told some paper he had hurt his back but no one gave a shit by this point. WWE sources say he may be in line for a Hall of Fame slot, which although deserved probably won't happen as Vince hates savage after apparently Savage fucked his daughter's (yes, Stephanie) pre-teen twat at a party but of course that is probably wank.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/r/randysavage/53.jpg

He is said to be clean shaven now and living under a bridge in Louisiana. He often screams "Oh Yeah" to passing travellers who usually laugh and chuck the drunken cunt some spare change. Sadly a group of skinheads jumped him and kicked and stamped him to death last week. He was buried in a bin bag, with his body wrapped in one of his wank robes before being chucked into the missisippi to be eaten by alligators, rats and other animals. A sad day if i or anyone else gave a gash.

[HH]

LoD had a bit of a stint a few years back, well at least Animal did with Heidenrich. Hawk is dead I think.

That was for Dragonfly.

[Dragonfly]

Is that Sid Vicious in the third from bottom picture, with Macho? Man, there have been some great characters.

I'm hoping for a bit of Brutus The Barber Beefcake and Jimmy Hart (if he counts).

[Joel]

Hahaha! I used to think Jake 'The Snake' Roberts was great. I even had a toy of him, with a shitty rubber snake and everything.

I'd like to find out what Jimmy Snuka and The Legion Of Doom are up to.

I had that toy too :blush:

Will be doing any new ones of these since you have your own thread for them, Barn?

[HH]

Yeah that is

Now thats why i loved Randy Savage. Shame hes never gonna be in that Legends of Wrestlemania game coming up. Him and Steamboat was an epic match and was one of the best ive ever seen and probably the best in WM history. How Vince cant recognise that instead of the thought of Stephanie getting rammed by Savage is beyond me.

[Bish]

I'm eagerly anticipating IRS.

I've actually got that Jake DVD, though it was a free gift.

[BarnDoor]

I've done part 1 of Brutus, it was the last one I did, but I need to finish it. The ones I need to post are Tazz and Brutus part 1 I think.

I haven't done one for ages, but I will do new ones now. Suggestions are welcome.

[HH]

Barn says IRS aint gonna be inducted. Boo-hoo Barn, its two requests now.

[uA - 1905]

Gangrel?

[Bish]

Last I heard, Gangrel lived in liverpool and directs low budget porn. I think that's more than enough to deserve an inclusion.

[BarnDoor]

Barry Darsow it is.

[Dragonfly]

The following would be interesting:

Bam Bam Bigelow
Mr. Perfect
Yokozuna
Razor Ramon
1, 2, 3 Kid

I don't follow wrestling any more, so I don't know if any of them are still about.

[Bish]

Repo Man. ;)

DF, I can't see Mr.Perfect being included. Him, Yoko and Bam Bam are dead.

[HH]

Umm id like know how Vader, Rick Rude. What the hell is Goldberg doing these days? I wouldnt expect Barn to write a whole part on him, but a quick update on him anyone?

[Joel]

Good choice with Barry Darson :D

Scott Hall is a good call DF.

[Dragonfly]

Repo Man. ;)

DF, I can't see Mr.Perfect being included. Him, Yoko and Bam Bam are dead.

Maybe Barndoor could present us with a three-way hell-in-a-cell (or cell-in-hell might be more appropriate) eulogy?

[Bish]

Yeah Scott Hall should be done. What about Big Boss Man?

[BarnDoor]

Rick Rude and Bossman are both dead. I love Rude immensely, I'd never desecrate his career in such a manner.

I love Hall, but he's very tempting. He's almost too easy in many respects.

[Bish]

Oh, so your not doing wrestlers who have died? Just current or Ex wrestlers who have hit the fan.

Rick Rude shouldn't have been mentioned in this type of thread, true great.

[Dragonfly]

Are there enough dead wrestlers for an after life Royal Rumble?

[Bish]

Are there enough dead wrestlers for an after life Royal Rumble?

There's enough for a 3 ring, 60 man Battle Royal World War III.

[BarnDoor]

Sounds like a plan. I'll call Hell and see if they'd allowed it.

PETER SENERCHIA, BEST KNOWN AS TAZ/Z IN THE ECW AND WWE

Peter Senerchia played American football in his early years while practicing Judo, becoming a 2nd degree black belt in the martial art. In 1993 at the age of 26 he was coaxed into ECW by Paul Heyman, originally wrestling under the rather hilarious name of 'The Tazmaniac' after the WB character. Complete with dreads (at some point), make-up and bright outfits, this Tazz was not the one we knew and loved and was truly a wretched abortion of the highest level. In 1994 he teamed with Kevin Sullivan to win the ECW Tag titles twice, and also very briefly won the TV title from Sabu, who he also won the Tag titles with for a third time in 1995. That same year, in tag match with Eddie Guerrero against Too Cold Scorpio and Dean Malenko he was unfortunately the victim of a botched spiked piledriver and later discovered he had infact broken his neck. The Tazmaniac would be sidelined for 9 months:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/t/tazz/17.jpg

Peter Senerchia now dropped the 'Tazmaniac' gimmick and purely became 'Taz', now sporting a mohawk and stylized beard and looking extremely tough. He combined touch fighting skills with his Judo submissions and a superb array of suplexes to become arguably ECW's finest champion, holding the title twice and in his first reign for 18 months from mid-1997 to early 1999, winning it from Shane Douglas and losing it to Mike Awesome. He created his own belt, the FTW (Fuck the World) title during this time also, and laid waste to most challengers before him. Noticable feuds in this period included one with Bam Bam Bigelow and most famously Sabu, who he had a series of superb clashes with, most notably at Barely Legal 1997 and other battles, culminating in 1999 with the breaking of Sabu's neck by performing an unheard of 'Tazmissionplex' through a corner table, an altogether horrendous manoeuvre. This made him the second man after Benoit, to break Sabu's neck. His deadly arsenal of suplexes included the Release Northern Lights Tazplex, the T-Bone Taxplex, the devastating Tazmissionplex, the Head and Arm Tazplex (with a top-rope Super variety), the Capture Tazplex, the Wheelbarrow Tazplex and of course the Taxplex, along with many more, becoming known as 'The Human Suplex Machine'. His preferred way of ending a match however was via submission with the Katahajime, or its non-judo name of the Tazmission, by which he would famously "choke people out". He also had a famous catchphrase, being "Beat me if you can - survive, if I let you!" In late 99 he wrestled in ECW for the last time at Anarchy Rulz, before joining the WWE.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/t/tazz/13.jpg

Tazz, now sporting an extra 'E' presumably due to copyright issues, was Angle's mystery opponent at Royal Rumble, choking him out and ending his unbeaten run. Tazz was still in good shape but the new tracksuit style outfit, covering much of the body, was a worry, as it allowed him to get out of shape without us noticing it. He then got into the 'Hardcore' title scene, winning it 3 times, for a while before returning to ECW in April to win the World Title from Mike Awesome, who was then in WCW, the first and only time this would happen. He lost it to Tommy Dreamer a few months later. He soon turned heel, got into a feud with Jerry Lawler, showing his growing lack of talent and was teamed with the debuting Raven, which didn't last long. He turned face again, and in 2001 he joined Paul Heyman's ECW faction in the Alliance angle, but was rather stupidly kicked out by Austin, who suspected him of being a fat gash and collaborating with the WWE. In 2002 he teamed with Spike Dudley to win the Tag titles off the Dudley Boyz before announcing his retirement due to chronic neck problems stemming from the ECW neck break at the age of only 35. Rather fittingly, he wrested his last real match against another true great, Mr Perfect, on RAW, which he won.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/t/tazz/06.jpg

Although a tragically premature end to his career Tazz had achieved a lot and should have retired here, but instead some cunt thought it would be a good idea for him to go into commentating - it wasn't. His wrestling time in the WWE had been basically shit and a blemish on his career and one could already see his weight increasing and talent diminishing near the end so it was best he got behind the camera as soon as possible but he didn't heed this advice. For the past 4 years he had been Michael Cole's co-commentator on Smackdown, and not only was he shit at calling matches but his physical appearance gradually grew more horrifying by the week, going from a hard-as-nails looking street fighter to a wretched fat disgusting abortion. His weight began to spiral out of control at an alarming rate, and he now resembles a small planet on legs. Gone were the wrestling clothes and in came the oversized suits and baggy t-shirts in an attempt to hide his hideous mass. He has been a trainer on the Tough Enough series (and look how good they turned out to be) and in 2005 came out at the end of ECW's One Night Stand to lead the ECW guys into a huge melee, looking a shadow (or rather several shadows) of his former self, and there was really no point in him being there the fat gash:

http://www.wwe.com/superstars/smackdown/tazz/photos/03.jpg

One wouldn't have thought it could get any worse but it did in 2006, when Tazz got into a war with Jerry Lawler, a 55 year old veteran who hasn't wrestled properly in years, and thought he was good by wanting to beat him up, but really just looked pathetic and embarrasing. In June the two met at One Night Stand 2, with Lawler looking in much better shape than the tremendous mass that is Tazz, who caused much laughter when he came out with a baggy hirt on just looking like a fat useless shit-stabber who'd lost all the ability he once had. With the help of Joey Styles he choked Lawler out within seconds, not even performing one proper wrestling move for the fans, showing just how shit now he truly was. He then decided to move to the new ECW to co-commentate with Joey Styles, the final nail in his coffin where he, who should know the true ECW more than anyone, desperately tries to sell the new one without expressing his absolutely disgust for it, and comes across as a total fat gash without talent who sold out long so, most likely for a large dumpster of food which he devoured in 5 minutes. Its painful to see a true legend now resemble a botched abortion in this photo, which encompasses just why Taz has joined the down-and-out ranks:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/t/tazz/19.jpg

So what does the future hold for Tazz? Well, though still young (39), his life is effectively over and he has nothing to live for, so don't go holding your breath for anything good. Recent reports suggest his contract with the WWE is on a cakes-for-commentary basis, which stipulates that he recieves 50 cakes for every show he commentates, so hopefully he will soon eat himself to fucking death, the fat bastard. Indeed, this may occur much sooner than we dared hope - as of July 19th 2006, leaked medical reports indicate that he has Super-Gastronomical Bowel Cancer Haemorrhage Disorder, brought on by heavy eating. The symptoms for this rare (and luckily terminal) condition include loss of talent, colossal gaining of weight, several chins, a huge head connected to the body without the aid of a neck, immense gut and tits and a maggot dick. Unfortunately, his current state of appearance on TV would corroborate that these rumours and infact true and if so he has about a day to live, and will be in the most horrendous agony imaginable near the end. Please don't feel sorry for him - just because he retired didn't mean he couldn't have stayed in shape, so please rest safe in the knowledge that he brought his impending death on himself. Now that Peter Senerchia is an Elephantine-sized fat gash of mass proportions I'm sure no one gives a shit anyway, and I only wish I was there to jump two footed on his obese head to finish him off at the end. Rest in peace fat cunt.

[nev1612]

Awesome work Barn.

How about X-Pac for the next installment???

[BarnDoor]

I have two left that I've done - the Brutus one and the beauty posted below I'd actually forgotten about, but its actually one of my best. After that I have to start afresh and anyone could find themselves the victim.

STEVE LOMBARDI, BEST KNOWN AS BROOKLYN BRAWLER IN THE WWE

Steve is recognized as the most famous jobber in wrestling history. He suits the job to a T. A fat cunt with no talent, no social life and probably sucks off wild animals for kicks when he is not shooting old people and molesting kids.

Steve got into the old WWF back in the mid eighties and would constantly be smashed by the various "good" wrestlers, who had "talent" and weren't "abortions". He adopted this trampy cunt gimmick called Brooklyn Brawler in the late eighties and would help Bobby Heenan out against another cunt called the Red Rooster. It was an attempted push for both vaginal matters which failed as no one gave a fuck if they lived or died and their famous "Dildo on a pole" match at Madison Square Garden didn't go down at all well in '89 as three homosexuals were kicked to death by the ABL (Anti Batty League) at the front seats with steve's father being among the dead. This effected steve a lot but who gives a fuck?


http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/b/brooklynbrawler/02.jpg


With his career being reduced to eating shit from dustbins and blowing other wrestlers he was found dead in the cleveland theatre's toilets after a heroin overdose along with slick and kamala, the later died later after eating himself after a long battle with "Terminal bowel cancer". He was unfortunately brought back to life and carried on as a shit smelling jobber. He was chosen as Kamala's handler named Kim Chee.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/k/kamala/09.jpg

Thankfully, he wore a mask so we didn't have to look at the cunt. When Kamala's career died, steve was found dead again after being raped by the natural disasters. His anal passage was crushed and he lost his sight for several days. He was again stablised and managed to get back on his feet and become another sour cunny by the name of Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz who was about as popular as walking into your parents room and seeing your dad shooting his load on your mothers face.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/b/brooklynbrawler/06.jpg]

Steve was now seen as fair game by every other wrestler on the roster and there were several incidents of assualt and battery which were richfully deserved. Examples of this was Baston Booger making lombardi give him head nearly breaking his windpipe, the Bushwhackers raping him in Florida and steve dying a third time when the whole locker room kicked and punched him to death on a tour of denmark. He was again given life after intense treatment. He became MVP for a bit but i can't find a picture of that and was probably shit anyway so i'm doing you all a favour by not posting it. He was also a doink once but was stripped of this when he was found with the small body of Dink attached to his cock with dink dead. Dink's body was preserved as tribute before it was eaten by those fat cunts Men on a Mission and Oscar

He was one of Jerry the King lawler's knights who fought for Shawn Michaels at SS 93 and in 97 he got a title shit against michaels after a Battle Royal. After his lost he was brutally raped by LOD in the locker rooms and was then choked to death by vader and then raped again. He managed to retain his life long enough to become a road agent and does occasionally get back in the ring and ends up either losing or getting something far worse in the locker rooms. He apparently forced himself on Nicole Bass with the ugly dyke getting fired probably on the orders of Lombardi's fellow rimmer and long time arse bandit Pat "I'm not happy till i'm fisted up to the wristwatch" Patterson


http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/b/brooklynbrawler/09.jpg


Lombardi still makes the odd appearance mainly to get caned and battered which is understandable. Sadly his life did finally run out last night as he was gangraped and brutally stabbed 567 times by ECW fans when he dared show his fucking fat face at the hammerstein ballroom. Some wrestler's such as sabu, the sandman and RVD joined the fans in their brutal attack. Patterson begged the fans to stop but they then forced themselves on him and throat fucked the old cunt, RVD then Van Terminatored him with such force his head came clear off much to the delight of the ECW fans, who by then were throwing Lombardi's body round like a rag doll until set on fire and chucked out of one of the upper story, 12 th floor windows.

Lombardi is in a alleyway somewhere in New York as we speak with his body in plain view of many passers by, but rightly no one gives a shit, only the odd boot in his face by priests, sexual molestation by Gerald Brisco or searching for valuables by junkies on his rotting carcass, is the only real interest in the old pissflap

[Jonno394]

Thread of the year 2009? I think so.

I nearly died while reading these barn, the Tazz one and Jake ones were immense.

[Bish]

Yeah I think Sean Waltman would be a decent choice. He's been involved in quite a lot of shit in his career.

I like to see one on Scott Levy, even though he's one of my favourite wrestlers.

[BarnDoor]

Cheers Jonno, I knew as a fellow sick cunt you'd like them.

Raven? I like Raven, seems harsh. Then again, I like Jake and Lex. Someone like Robert Gibson would probably be a good laugh.

ED LESLIE, BEST KNOWN AS BRUTUS THE BARBER BEEFCAKE WWE


Ed Leslie was born somewhere in 1958. He got into the wrestling scene in the late 70's and teamed with a certain Terry Boulder otherwise known as Hulk Hogan. They had great times but the good times didn't last long as Ed was arrested in 1981 for child abuse with the sentence being 3 years of hard labour at San Quentin for various scaly wag behaviour.

He was charged with sodomy with intent to kill, having sex with wild animals in public and the murder and sexually molestation of Hulk's brother Horace. Many believe Ed may be the bastard father of Horace Hogan Jnr, the talentless cunt from WCW/NWO. It would explain alot especially as neither has a career anymore and have done more than 20 years of nonce antics between them:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/h/hulkbrutus/02.jpg

The three years were tough on Ed. The first week saw him gangraped twice and then take a severe stairwell nonce bashing which left him in a coma for a year. The following two years was a blur as one can only guess at the sexual abuse he endured. He became a PRAG for a skinhead gang where he was fucked continuously as he became a rent-man and was pimped out to various gangs. One day though as he was about to be a victim for 13,000 time in the prison showers by three Blood gang members, two men came rushing to his aid and they were none other than Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and Luscious Jonny Valiant. They battered and slashed the throats of the gang members. They helped Leslie to his knees and told him that they would help him out as his parole was coming up and would have a word with a certain Mr MacMahon of the WWF.

Ed said yes but was then forced to swallow both of his new friends loads but that is the price of fame i guess:

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/d/dreamteam/01.jpg


In 1984 Ed joined the WWF and would soon join up with Greg and Jonny V and form the Dream Team. The would go on and capture the WWF titles but that was when things began to go pear shaped for the talentless muffdiver.

Leslie and Greg began a homosexual relationship but in typical prison fashion they began to force themselves on anything in the WWF locker room. The first victim was Special Delivery Jones. They rushed him and ruthlessly sodomised him until he lost the use of his legs. He would later that night go into a two on one match with the injury against The Iron Shiek and Volkoff. The end of the match as well as Jones life came when the Shiek grabbed him in a horrendous Camel Clutch while Volkoff took him a one armed crab. The double move separated Jones as his spine snapped. He was then kicked a few times and then thrown into the merciless crowd of Detroit where he was ripped apart.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/s/sdjones/04.jpg

More attacks followed as anyone was fair game to these sick cunts. Pedro Morales the wily veteran was next in the infamous cage match at the Boston Garden where he and Tito Santana faced the Dream Team for the Tag Titles in January 1986. The Dream Team attacked Tito before the match and left him handcuffed to the outside railings. Morales was then dragged into the ring and for the first and last time in Wrestling Television history was gangraped by the entire dream team with Morales anal passage exploding. The fans were shocked and so was Macmahon but not half as shocked as Morales family was as they were seated guests of honour at the front row. Morales had to be hosed down to clean various blood and shit off him and was then taken to hospital where he tragically died as doctors attempting to save him were attacked by the dream team again and Morales suffered another rape which brought on a massive heart attack. His bulbous body would be the guest of honour for the WWE Spanish commentary center for the next 20 years

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/p/pedromorales/09.jpg


Coming soon (I promise) part two, including The zenith, the accident, the Anal Battery years and the death of Ed Leslie.

[Joel]

Read through all of them again today. They don't get old. Can barely get through a paragraph with a straight face.

[BarnDoor]

The Pedro Morales one had me in tears of laughter today.

[Joel]

The amount of times the Brooklyn Brawler was found dead is hilarious.

[BonBon]

Laughed imensley at the jake roberts one!:L

How about buff bagwell or the the blue meanie,even scott steiner

[Bish]

Scott Steiner would be harsh.

Some other requests: Marc Mero, Mideon, DDP, Paul Bearer.

[BonBon]

forgot to add Disco Inferno to that list!

[BarnDoor]

Percy Pringle could work.

[BarnDoor]

Well its been a long time coming but I have finally found the missing information about Ed Leslie's wretched life. Here are the details and part 2 of his horrific career.


After the foul death of Pedro Morales, the Dream Team believed themselves invincible. They defended the titles against all comers and not many tag teams survived to tell the tale. One such incident at the Nassau Colosseum was particularly sickening. The newly formed 'talentless' and 'jobber' tag team of Leaping Lannie Poffo and David Sammartino challenged Dream Team to a no disqualification match for the titles with the legend Bruno Sammartino in the challengers corner.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/09/sammartinos.jpg

Sadly they had no idea what they were in for. Minutes into the match, valiant unveiled his secret weapon in the hands of Dino 'Burning in a French speaking hell' Bravo. He savagely steel chaired Poffo from behind and then carried out unspeakable sexually acts with the now defenseless David. The crowd was shocked and dismayed as the young David was gang attacked and then mercilessly raped by the Dream Team and Bravo. Bruno could not stand anymore and dismounted from his wheelchair and crawled into the ring but the gimp was set upon almost immediately. His struggles seemed to turn the deviant trio on even further and a bully queer ramming soon developed. It took the entire face locker room invading the ring to drive off the sick bastards. The carnage was horrific as Lanny was bloodied and unconscious, Bruno raped and in some sort of sexual coma and David lying dead with a perforated colon.


These attacks though would soon stop as the Dream Team were defeated and lost the tag titles to the British Bulldogs at Wrestlemania 2. Beefcake himself was becoming a peripheral figure and even Valiant, Valentine and Bravo were sick of the foul deviant cunt. In early 1987 his team abandoned him in a public show of hatred in a six man tag match against Outback Jack, Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/h/hillbillyjim/04.jpg

The face team beat Leslie unconscious and then in a unknown bout of violence of the period, beat him repeatedly with steel chairs and then drove him head first through the time keepers table.

Leslie regained consciousness and attempted sanctuary in the heel locker room but on arrival was attacked again by none other than Hercules, Butch Reed and King Kong Bundy. His body was then dragged into the showers where it was molested and defecated on by Killer Khan

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/k/killerkhan/01.jpg

Thankfully this abuse soon ended with Leslie being accepted by the face locker room and his whole attitude and outlook changed to a repugnant prag format dancing around with his hair clippers looking a right cunt. Wars with Honky Tonk Man followed and his career received further boosts with 'Jobs for the boys' mentality from Hulk Hogan as he partnered him in matches against Randy Savage and Zeus.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/h/hulkbrutus/06.jpg

His career was on a high but shortly after wrestlemania 6 tragedy struck as apparently he was quadro spased in a coma due to a para sailing accident but as I will reveal later in part three this was certainly not the case.....

[Bish]

Nice to see these back again mate. Good read, quite a bit left to talk about with regards Leslie.

[muscularmatt]

dont diss the macho man, brutha. he will fuck you up

[Winger]

Great stuff! Enjoyed reading those of Macho Man and Jake Roberts. I'd sort of forgot all about Lex Luger until this, too. I never cared either way for Lex Luger. Although, I do remember getting a WCW Lex Luger action figure (those rigid plastic ones that didn't move) as a gift from someone or another. And I could not have been more underwhelmed about receiving such a gift. That action figure became the jobber of my childhood fantasy wrestling organisation. The height of action figure WCW Lex Luger's career probably being a fued with WWF Skinner, which saw Skinner eliminate Luger from the Royal Rumble, to which Luger demanded a one on one match, where Skinner got the victory in record time.

I saw Rick Rude mentioned earlier in the thread. Have the WWE ever released a Rick Rude DVD? I loved Rick Rude. I was gutted when I found out his career was over after that match with Sting. I was always hoping for some kind of miracle comeback for Rude, but alas, he passed away. I remember there was a rumor that he was training for a shot at a comeback before his death. I would've marked out to see Rick Rude vs The Rock, and Rick Rude vs Stone Cold Steve Austin, and for the "Ravishing One" to hit the Rude Awakening!

[Joel]

This needs to make a return, Barndoor. It truly was a mixture of brilliance and hilarity.

[BarnDoor]

Yeah these were brilliant. Time permitting I'll try to do more.

Its just a shame that I really expanded upon Lex's and put it on those ProWrestlingForums, but it was taken down, and I never saved it. Stuff about him killing Bruiser Brody, truly memorable.

[BarnDoor]

Right lads part three has finally come into my hands of the tragic and shit smelling life of Ed Leslie and it is truly a sad yet hilarious tale.

1990 was a year that promised so much for Leslie. A beloved fan favourite, and now once again challenging for the IC Title against none other than Mr Perfect. The match was set for Summerslam and Leslie dreamed of finally holding the prestigious belt.

However this was not to be the case. Apparently Ed was injured in a para-sailing accident but it was none other than a sickening cover up. On the day of Summerslam, Leslie arrived at the arena but was set upon minutes before his entrance by none other than the Texas Tornado and the rest of the Von Erich clan. Leslie screamed for help but his cries simply encouraged the attackers. His bruised and battered body was hauled up and old man Fritz sunk deep the dreaded Von Erich claw into Leslie's skull, with a hideous blood clot instantly occuring:

http://grantlairdjr.com/media/Fritz2.jpg

Leslie's pathetic screams were cut short as Kerry then unleashed a thunderous Tornado punch which on impact shattered Ed's face into a mashed pulp of blood and bone. Erich then adorned his robe and ordered his clan to dispose of the mess. He then went out and won the title off Mr Perfect with no one giving two shits about Brutus Beefcake's strange absence.

http://bp0.blogger.com/_ZEq5mwb40Vw/Rv3CD3JqOKI/AAAAAAAAAFY/KykpgAJ8lZA/s320/kerry1.jpg

Leslie was found by fishermen the next day off the Texan coast. He was unrecognisable save for the foul mullet and large garden shears protruding from his anal passage. He was rushed to hospital and in intensive care for 3 months but the early signs did not look good. It was not until his friend and long time lover Hulk Hogan arrived that the situation sadly improved.

http://www.thewrestlingfan.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/1beefcoke.jpg

Hogan not only pumped his roided blood into the frail body of Leslie but also copious amounts of foul jism into his mouth which finally saw him regain consciousness. His frail state though could not see him wrestle; instead he became a cancerous cunt who interviewed people in his barber shop. His hideous beating also seemed to give him horrific brain damage when sometime in 1991 he ran out as a tampon-induced character named 'The Mariner' and randomly attacked heels. This was eventually dismissed as the idea stunk of fucking shit.

He seemed friendly and a fan favourite but under that happy, bulbous exterior lay a viscious hatred for the Von Erich family, especially Kerry, and he would have his revenge.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_NhT_U3M322c/SPOx5HAgxXI/AAAAAAAAAGw/qn20mPNpSek/s320/brutus_beefcake1.jpg

This revenge would occur early in 1993 when Kerry Von Erich apparently died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. This again was another bizarre cover up. Kerry Von Erich appeared on an episode of the Barber Shop, promoting a feud with the Undertaker. Leslie finally snapped and attacked Erich from behind stabbing him again and again with the barber shears and then launched his body through the Barber Shop window in a move better known as the 'Janetty Manouvre', killing him instantly.

http://www.wwe.com/content/media/images/3883682/7644496

He was then dragged to the ring and sadistically scalped by a now crazed Leslie

http://www.wrestlingwiththetruth.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/12.jpg


By then though no one gave two shits about Kerry and the crowd cheered. His body was then thrown into a body bag courtesy of the Undertaker before being chucked into the garbage disposal and eaten by Papa Shango. Leslie was fined $50 for the incident.


More later

[Bish]

Glorious stuff. That 3rd picture is brilliant.

[Joel]

Epic as usual. I may have to go through and read all of them over again.

[BarnDoor]

This is the fourth and final part of Ed Leslie's wretched life, it almost brought a tear to my eye.

By 1994, the end of Leslie's WWF/E career was thankfully drawing to a close. He was coaxed out of retirement by his long-time friend and marmite miner, Hulk Hogan. Together they dragged in Jimmy' Prag' Hart as their manager. They were named 'The Mega Maniacs' and were generally regarded by Gorilla Monsoon as 'an unholy trilogy of faggots':

http://wrestlemania-fans.com/wrestlemaniaIX/images/megamaniacs.jpg

At Wrestlemania XI, the Mega Maniacs were to meet Money Inc for the Tag Team titles. Sadly it was to end in the most tragic manner. Hogan had now become tired of his lover. Rumour has it he was balling Giant Gonzalez at the time and was bored of Brutus' anal passage. Brutus was in the ring for some time, begging for a tag but Hogan simply turned away, walked from ring and left his partner to a hideous beating by Money Inc. What made matters worse was Jimmy Hart threw in his lot with them and treacherously attacked Brutus, smashing him in the face with a steel briefcase, again shattering his face. His screams of pain and tears of anguish were laughed at by the commentators and the fans. Money Inc was so disgusted they laughed, and chucked a few cents at the wretched specimen before dousing him in petrol and setting him alite. Beefcake was later fired as his screams of agonising pain upset children in the audience.

Below, Brutus spears his own father threw a table while on fire as he attempts to help his deranged son. His father died as a result:

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:Z60djjNi6-SjpM:http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa23/kingofsun_vt/top-20-matches-in-wrestlemania-hist.jpg&t=1

The attack left Brutus in intensive care for several months. He was eventually visited by Hogan who was traumatised by what happened to his friend. He was now in WCW and secured Brutus a job as 'Brother Bruti', a gimmick that the fans hated as well as the locker room but to be honest it was to be the start of whirlwind of dead foetal matter ridden gimmicks for him. Jimmy Hart was also brought back into the fold before being attacked and fucked to death with his own megaphone.

Bruti would go on to betray Hogan and join the Dungeon of Doom as The Butcher which was shit and no one cared about him. He then became a thing called Zodiac apparently hailing from 'Yin and Yang' when in actual fact he looked like the spawn of a fat bastard human that fucked a demented Zebra with a brain tumour. Again it was hated and no one gave two shits about it.

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/b/brutusbeefcake/18.jpg

Even the Dungeon of Doom grew tired of him and one night in 1995 in Atlanta they gangraped him on a WCW Pro broadcast with such penertrating force it ruptured his colon. He was rushed to Atlanta medical hospital and declared dead but later by a professional doctor was deemed alive. His mental state though was destroyed with Hogan and Bischoff both witnessing him smear his own shit on the walls and eat one of his own testicles. Bischoff declared he become The Booty Man, a hapless cancer who dances around and wishes for talent he will never have. Another colostomy bag smelling routine had arrived.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WCrIotSdkFA/SXC_H_1OfMI/AAAAAAAABJc/xcQuOubHMKw/s400/booty+man.jpg

Leslie hung around for a while, then fell off the earth and came back at Road Wild 96 to aid Hogan with a hopeful 'Jobs for the Boys' request but this was thankfully shot down as Hogan and the Outsiders beat the shit out of the tiresome vadge. Hogan though forgave his fellow batty and allowed him in early 1998 to join the NWO as the Disciple, a gimmick which was actually good and he did well as Hogan's bodyguard with a decent stunner-type move.

http://www.iolani.honolulu.hi.us/SummerSchool/surfnet/98/HULL/DISCIPLE.JPG

This good fortune didn't last long however. In the fall of 1998 the Ultimate Warrior 'kidnapped' him and Leslie joined the OWN or 'The One Warrior Nation'. He was the first and thankfully last member of this short-lived and tuberculosis-ridden faction. He truly had embarassed himself beyond anything in his past career and needed death desperately but it just didn't come.

Leslie left WCW shortly after this after being found in bed with the Ultimate Warrior and the dead body of Eric Bischoff's youngest son. His mental and physical state went on a downward spiral which was hilarious to behold. He became a 'Slot Badger', a person who sexually molests children for kicks. Various images of this foul nonce with children can be found all over the Internet which sickens one to the core.

http://www.mcdougle.org/albums/Wrestlers-at-Kokomo/Brutus_Beefcake_and_Josh.sized .jpg

Leslie got back into the Independent scene for a while via a series of match-for-food contracts. The WWE hired him in 2000 for a few house shows. His opponent was none other than Greg Valentine. The match started off innocently enough but 5 minutes in Leslie's sexual depravities emerged once again. Valentine wrestled his opponent to the ground and clearly had an erection while doing so. This sent Leslie over the bastard edge:

http://www.wrestlingarsenal.net/members////Arsenal/534schoolboy/gregvnbrutus.jpg

In a savage act Greg was dragged outside the ring, clubbed with the ring bell and raped, with Leslie using the ring post as extra anal-dipping leverage. Security eventually dragged him away but Valentine had gone into a rape-induced coma from which he never recovered.

http://www.wrestlingwiththetruth.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/13.jpg

Leslie was never seen again but was believed killed in a tragic massive heart attack/agonising blood loss incident after molesting a downsyndrome child who tore off his other remaining ball in a bizarre oral act in a KFC restroom in Portland, Oregon. He will certainly not be missed.

http://www.westre.com/images/2005Brutus01.jpg

The last know picture of Ed dated two months ago. He signs his own son away to the United States Shrub Rocketeer Division.

[Joel]

Fantastic conclusion to an awesome story.

After last night's show, I feel Tommy Dreamer should be added.