Press Room

[Bammers05]

A couple of members have requested it, so I thought it was about time I made this. Post all press articles in here :)

Or just some, if you want... :ninja:

[Bammers05]

I'll get the ball rolling:

Konchesky Released

Eggington Town has reportedly released defender Paul Konchesky just days after signing the left-back.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Ck6LQcv4sOg/S8Qru9Z80BI/AAAAAAAANAU/w69nKV3eNbc/s320/Paul+Konchesky+10.jpg

Although the club declined to comment on this surprising turn of events, The Daily Phone Hack was able to find out, from an anonymous source inside the club, that the Eggington management staff quickly came to the conclusion that Konchesky was 'a bit crap'.

It is thought that the release of the former Fulham defender will also free up space in the squad for the imminent signing of Gael Clichy from Sminkswich Victoria.

[Nifty1Pound50]

'Sky the limit' for Connolly

New manager Matthew Connolly's debut in front of the bright lights and keen ears of the press was composed, calculated and mature.

Having been plucked from relative obscurity by Skleptoe & Son Football Club, this will be Connolly's first season in the PESGaming Fantasy Football League. Although new to the competition, Connolly does bring with him experience of the game, having had successful tenures at the Fantasy League and, perhaps more notably, the Barclays Fantasy League, in recent years.

When quizzed on how he plans to acclimatise to the new climate, given his lack of experience - which, perhaps most notably, includes an enforced transfer window between the season's start and the turn of the year - the man at the helm remained firm.

"Adapt. Adjust. It's a learning curve, as with life. I've been brought here, to a big club, with a big following. They see me as the right man to bring in big names and win big trophies. If I'm a big enough name for the board, then that's good enough for me."

At his appointment, the board were clear that Connolly's warchest would extend well into triple-figures and he has been quick to plunder the market for talent.

"Yes, we've spent heavy. Sometimes you pay a premium for quality. But quality pays for itself and in the signings we've made we have guaranteed quality.

"We've not necessarily spent as big as some other managers, but why would we? I've got a top-four back-four for the price of one centre-back. We'll keep working to keep improving."

Asked on his lack of striking options thus far, Connolly remained coy.

"There's a few that we're looking at. But we've got a budget and we'll certainly stick to it. There's more business to be done, I'm sure of it. It's that part of the season where our scouts are still doing their homework - there's no need to dive in blind."

Supporters and club administration alike are said to be quietly optimistic that the new appointment is the step in the right direction the town of Skleptoe's football team has been crying out for. Skleptoe have not had a top-flight team since 1973 and the locals are unsurprisingly jubilant.

"We might not have the best ground in the world, we might not even fill it. But I'll tell you what - teams won't like visiting us. You see if Stephen Ireland's pink Bentley jeep lasts five minutes in our car park!"

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[Bish]

Update.....

Paddy Kenny has spoken of his relief after leaving CF Pijo Burro to join AFC Quimbledon. "I'm just so glad to be away from that shithole. The manager is fucking clueless, he bought 4 keepers for fuck sake. Plus, he's fatter than me. He kept on trying to feed us with his Welsh/dingle hybrid shit food and his baconaise. I just had enough, I'm happy with my drugs"

Speaking on his new signing, AFC Quimbledon manager Sir Bishop MBE said "I needed a keeper, he knows his role. I've planted loads of ephedrine on the subs bench so he'll be happy there".

As regards new signings, he continued "I'm confident of bringing in the right players for the right price, though I know there is one cunt out there who priced me out of my main striker acquisition. Didn't want him anyway".

[muscularmatt]

Newso footballio espanol...

Responding to recent critiscm from ex Pijo Buro stopper Paddy 'Useless fat coked up cunt that I can't believe I made 2 mil profit on' Kenny, Pijo manager Jose Mattinho had this to say. "He wasn't moaning when he was here, I got him all the girls and the gear he could get up his fat nose. If he thinks a thursday night out in Luton with lukewarm WKDs is better than one of my sex and coke parties on La Costa Excellente, then fine. It's not like he was going to get a game anyway. And Wayne Hennessey was out of shape when you gave him to us"

[Bammers05]

Figueroa: We Fear No-one

Eggington defender Maynor Figueroa has today stated that Eggington Town are ready for every challenge that come their way and 'don't fear anyone'.

http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/50268_260076579573_5132513_n.j pg

When asked about a recent newspaper article, which stated that Army of 1 Million were considered favourites for the new season, Figueroa responded by saying: "I think it's too early to have favourites, but there is a great hunger in this team, certainly. We don't fear Army of 1 Million. We don't fear anyone."

"There are a lot of good teams in this league," he stated, "and several who are capable of winning the league - we believe we are one of those teams."

Figueroa was then asked if he believed CF Pijo Burro had the potential to be a contender for the league title. However, he, like everyone else in the room, burst into laughter at the mere suggestion.

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[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 million is proud to announce the signing of two world class players, Cesc Fabregas and Robin Van Persie for a total of 20 million pounds. They are two of the most sought after players of the premier league, and they are proud to have signed for such a big team. Cesc Fabregas said when asked about his signing "Well it is a big club, obviously much bigger than Barcelona. I am very happy here now and I am ready for the challenge ahead." Robin Van Persie said "Army of 1 million is a huge club, I am honored to sign for this club, and am also honored at the boss' decision to give me the captaincy. I am also happy because Cesc is with me as he can pick out passes no one else can." The club is growing bigger and bigger and who knows what next?
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[IronCity]

Wayne Rooney Curses League for Showing No Respect

The popping of champagne bottles could still be heard at Club Universidad de Hounslow when the cacophony of excitement was suddenly interrupted by the scene of a venomous Wayne Rooney on the telly as he blasted owners of the PESG on both sides of the Atlantic. “F**k you fu**ers, don’t you know who I am?”, exclaimed a rather visibly upset Rooney. Apparently Mr. Rooney was distressed over the fact that only one club out of 14 placed a bid on him and was purchased for a measely 10 million pounds. “You stupid f**king Joeys wouldn’t know a football if I kicked it up the side of your f**king thick f**king heads” continued Mr. Rooney; You really know how to f**cking bodge a man’s life up – “I’m looking at higher alimony payments in a month than you f**king bell ends will make in your life….and you think that f**king Carroll ever picks up the tab – who do you think pays for that”? Perhaps the most awkward condition of Mr. Rooney’s mardy is that it aired before watershed time so were heard by children and adults alike. PESG board of directors , Mr. Sminky and Sir PEM, could not be reached for comment but based on Mr. Rooney’s precedent for such actions, swift and coarse punishment involving multiple match-bans are expected.

[Nifty1Pound50]

Skleps raise concerns

Skleptoe & Son's fanatical supporter group, "Skleprazent," have issued a statement on their official website demanding an explanation for the club's recent lack of transfer activity.

Spokesman Wojciech 'The Terrace Terror' Sczerwierczaszewski has labelled Connolly "an inexperienced buffoon" and claimed the newly-appointed manager "must act now to rectify this situation."

"Other teams have spent, have bought new players. They are preparing for the season. We have a team of defenders. Perhaps he plans to draw every game zero-zero. Perhaps he expects us to stand idly by, pay our money and watch him play Martin Kelly as a makeshift forward? Maybe I am not so up to speed anymore, but I have not seen Phil Jones score 20 goals in one season."

Connolly has yet to be drawn on the comments, however they will surely not have gone unnoticed - especially this soon into his fledgling tenure.

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[Cesc Fabregas]

Johan Djourou has labelled that his team may be the best ever with the new signing of Cesc Fabregas and Robin Van Persie " I believe we have an amazing squad, which will continue to grow, and I am ecstatic at the quality of players coming in, who are two of the best around " Robin Van Persie also said " If I can stay injury free this season I promise the fans a lot of goals and assists "

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[IronCity]

Scandal rocks the league, again

the pesg premier fantasy league was plagued with scandal again this week with controversy over the league’s player auction process. Several top-players were allegedly bid upon, yet assigned to other lower bid teams. Delegates from clubs receiving elicit players were not available for comment as a bitter tug of war for player claims continue. Cf pijo burro manager, musclarmatt, was seen in what almost became a shoving match with another un-named club manager at pesg headquarters in cricklewood- “if you didn't notice, that playa is mine!!” torted the young fiery manager. It is unknown whether or not pesg president, mr. Pem, is involved in any wrongdoing but accusations of bribery are swelling. Pem could not be reached for comment at time of printing, but his secretary said mr. Pem will be on an extended vacation so it may be sometime before the facts are sorted. Former fifa executive, jack warner commented “when the fingers start pointing at you, take a vacation”. Warner continued; "it's not unusual for such things to happen and gifts have been around throughout the history of pesg, what's happening to pem now is hypocrisy." nifty1pound50, known in inner circles as thriftypound, for his propensity to spend little on players at skleptoe & son fc, is also a target for the tribe of club managers indicting the league of misconduct. Apparently, a conflict of interest has been illuminated over nifty’s control of the player assignment list and his duties as club manager for the polski side. Church&bright, inc, maker of trojan condoms and league sponsor, is threatening to pull out early citing on monday that it feared the image of the sport. “the repeated accusations of corruption does little for the image of the league or football itself” stated a spokesperson for the international rubber company. Judgmental club owners are hoping for a speedy resolution to the league’s issue.

[Hunter]

:lol:

:loopy:

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 million FC has released an official statement to PEM regarding the transfer controversy demanding a fix. Players have been criticizing him after this recent turn of events, one of which is Robin Van Persie, who stated in an interview "I think it's a joke, I don't know why he's here"(For the full interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQjCCfI9vUQ). There are many clubs demanding this fix, including Eggington Town, who have stated their support to end the controversy, and demanding Theo Walcott going to his rightful owners. Lukasz Fabianski stated that he has "Army of 1 million DNA and he told me he's itching to come here, and hates life at Eggington." as well as the president of Army of 1 million FC saying "He's been kidnapped at Eggington Town".

The world waits for the end of the controversy once and for all, what will happen now? only time will tell.

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[Dragonfly]

:carlton:.

[Nifty1Pound50]

Skleptoe & Son manager Matthew Connolly has moved quickly to distance himself from the allegations currently surrounding the PESGaming Fantasy Football League.

"The suggestion that I am in any way involved, or party to, the rumours - and they are just that - and scandal being talked about by some more loose-of-tongue sources is utter nonsense.

"I've shown my organisation skills in offering to be on the league committee. It is testament to my personal standards of integrity that the league report is, in fact, up-to-date and has yet to be disputed.

"That the transfer system itself is being scrutinised and called into question during the only phase I haven't been involved in tells its own story. Simply put, this has nothing to do with me!"

Connolly has yet to sign a player since the first defensive phase, during which he was as active as almost any other manager, making nine signings in a matter of days.

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[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million president Cesc Fabregas(not to be confused with the player) has released a statement on the official website thanking Eggington Town president Bammers05 for his courtesy when it came to the deal with Theo Walcott, and has warned Lukasz Fabianski as well "Great thanks to Mr. Bammers05 for his courtesy and not making a fuss out of it, we lost out on a great player in the end but he went to a big team, even though I still think we're the favourites this season. Also, I apologize for Fabianski's awful insults toward Eggington Town and have issued him a first and last warning not to talk badly about other clubs."

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[Nifty1Pound50]

Kelly waves the Skleps goodbye

http://assets2.lfcimages.com/uploads/players/pro_martin_kelly.jpg

In a shock move, Army of 1 Million have moved to finalise a deal with Skleptoe & Son FC for the transfer of prodigal young full-back Martin Kelly.

It is understood that Cesc Fabregas was able to persuade the youngster his future lie with the title-seeking 'Army' only a matter of weeks after the teenager initially penned a deal with Skleptoe & Son.

The decision by Kelly to jump ship so soon after penning what was thought to be a long-term deal has resulted in the two parties negotiating for some time over finances. The final value of the transfer is thought to be in the region of £7m - a £4m hike on his original price.

"I know, it's a strange one," declared Connolly. "Since coming here, the boy [Martin Kelly] has been a credit to himself. However, football is unfortunately a finances game sometimes and, so soon into his Skleps career, it would be unfair of me to turn down what was a fair offer from a rival team."

"I would personally like to wish Martin all the best in his endeavours this season. For the lad, he has gone from fighting for his place in a team full of experience to commanding what is probably a guaranteed first-team role. Army of 1 Million were able to offer him a significantly better guarantee of playing time and they evidently feel he is a player who can help them win the league."

The sly jibe will no doubt not go unnoticed on the east-coast, where manager Cesc Fabregas has already previously declared his side 'favourites' for the title.

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[Nifty1Pound50]

Robin on Skleps' radar?

http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/2229/number9.gif

A source close to the attacker is understood to have claimed that Robin van Persie could be on his way to Skleptoe & Son, following a positive round of negotiations between the respective managers earlier today.

News of the potential deal broke late on Tuesday evening, with no club officials available for comment.

Rumours abound that a deal for Martin Kelly was thrashed out quickly in order to allow transfer negotiations to begin for the prolific Dutch marksman.

"They need a striker - a genuine number nine," the source was quoted as saying. "Now, there are teams out there who already have their goalscorers signed up. But players have moved in one direction and I wouldn't be surprised if similar deals maybe will happen in a different direction."

Van Persie recently penned a deal worth approximately £10m with Army of 1 Million, citing "the best offer available at the time" as his primary motivating factor. His failure to tackle the rumours head-on that he is simply biding his time before taking up another club with a 'better offer' continues to fuel much of the speculation.

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[Cesc Fabregas]

Robin not for sale

Army of 1 Million manager Cesc Fabregas has moved quickly to stop speculation about Robin Van Persie leaving the club "Van Persie is our best player and he is crucial to the team, He is definitely not up for sale as I value him the most out of any player in the PLFF. I had a chat with him and he told me he wouldn't leave a club who are definitely favourites for a smaller side. We have received some official bids which were very high, but at this time, unless we get an enormous transfer fee, he won't be leaving us."

Van Persie has been repeatedly linked to Skleptoe as well as Eggington, but it is thought that it would take at least 30m to lure him away from Army of 1 million.

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[IronCity]

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But I read on Goal.com he is leaving and that a 15m transfer fee had been secured. That is the most trusted source for football information....isn't it?

[Hunter]

But I read on Goal.com he is leaving and that a 15m transfer fee had been secured. That is the most trusted source for football information....isn't it?

Goal is probably one of the worst sources for football news to be honest. :lol: Along with another site with Tribal in the name or something, not sure if they're even around anymore.

[Michu]

Goal is probably one of the worst sources for football news to be honest. :lol: Along with another site with Tribal in the name or something, not sure if they're even around anymore.

Goal.com compile rumours and attempt to pass them as fact. Two examples of recent times

EXCLUSIVE: Joe Cole signs for Arsenal! :facepalm:

EXCLUSIVE: Ibrahim Afellay signs for Atletico Madrid :facepalm:

[Hunter]

Comparing Goal to a legit source like Sky Sports News, is like comparing The Sun online to BBC for accurate news. :lol:

But anyway, less of this, and back to FL Press Room matters!

[Cesc Fabregas]

Robin Van Persie has come up to quell all the rumours about a possible transfer. "Well I see these rumours about me leaving and just laugh, I would never leave this team, where I am a guaranteed winner. I promise the fans and my teammates that I am an Army of 1 Million player for life".

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[IronCity]

I was hoping to elicit a quick response about goal.com. On a serious note I do like their transfer tables for updating PES rosters

[Hunter]

http://img844.imageshack.us/img844/7186/trtv3.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/844/trtv3.png/)

Team Rocket are delighted to announce that the club has finally secured a broadcasting license which will begin effective immediately. Team Rocket TV is your primary source for all news Team Rocket, including rumours, transfers and interviews with Team Rocket players, staff and supporters!

Whenever you see this icon; http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/8137/trtvmini.png (http://www.pesgaming.com/showthread.php?t=85154&page=2) - just hit the button to be transported to the latest Team Rocket media news in the Press Room, exclusive to Team Rocket TV.

Alternatively, when you see the Team Rocket mini-emblem; http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/1091/rmini.png (http://www.pesgaming.com/showthread.php?p=1777560#post1 777560) - click it to be transported to the Team Rocket team page, and check out the team's current squad, as well as exclusive Team Rocket magazine and newspaper articles.

Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!



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[Dragonfly]

You better be making YouTube videos and that isn't an empty promo.

[Hunter]

http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/5680/trtvbrunt.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/89/trtvbrunt.png/)

Rumours are beginning to circulate as to whether Chris Brunt of Club Universidad de Hounslow is on the verge of joining Team Rocket. The speculation surrounding the transfer has been strengthened today in a Team Rocket TV exclusive in which Chris Brunt has been spotted in Kanto, said to be completing a medical in the region's Health Centre.

This potential transfer may come as a surprise to supporters and other managers of the PESGaming Fantasy League, however with Club Universidad de Hounslow's recent big name acquisition of Steven Gerrard for just £10.4m, Team Rocket and manager Jesse James Hunter have possibly swooped at the opportunity to sign Brunt following an increase in competition for midfield places at Dragonfly's club.

More on this story as it develops, exclusively from Team Rocket TV.

http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/8137/trtvmini.png (http://www.pesgaming.com/showthread.php?t=85154&page=2)



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[muscularmatt]

Chris Brunt? Chris Cunt more like it.

[Hunter]

Thanks for the great input there Matt.

NEW Team Rocket TV to come. Watch this space.

[Hunter]

http://img813.imageshack.us/img813/63/allnewtrtv.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/813/allnewtrtv.png/)


It has just been revealed that Team Rocket have penned a multi-million pound sponsorship deal with Samsung in order to deliver newer, fresher and more advanced media coverage over the course of the entire season. This means an all new Team Rocket TV broadcast will be brought to you on a very regular basis, with faster updates in accordance with the latest Samsung technology.

Expect all new Team Rocket TV exclusives before the night is out...

http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/1091/rmini.png (http://www.pesgaming.com/showthread.php?p=1777560#post1 777560)


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[Hunter]

http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/252/trsignsbrunt.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/600/trsignsbrunt.png/)


Team Rocket are delighted to announce the finalisation of a £6.2m deal with Club Universidad de Hounslow for attacking midfielder Chris Brunt. Team Rocket's manager Jesse James Hunter is said to have been highly interested in acquiring the services of Brunt for quite some time now and is clearly elated with the latest acquisition.

With Club Universidad de Hounslow's recent signing of midfield leader Steven Gerrard, Chris Brunt was said to be somewhat disappointed in what he felt was "a move to replace him" in the team's starting line up. The gears however were already in motion prior to the acquisition of Gerrard, with Brunt appreciating the keen interest and desire for his services by Team Rocket and manager Jesse James Hunter. The new capture who will be looking to dazzle supporters of Team Rocket talked exclusively to Team Rocket TV very briefly following the completion of his contract signing and had a few words to say:

"It's what being a footballer's all about really isn't it? This can only be described as a dream come true, and to have a manager so eager to work with you, and put his faith in you as a player is such a satisfying feeling. I know I've a lot of work to do on the training ground though, and I set the bar high for myself last season with 11 assists, but y'know, I'm always looking to improve and I'm sure under Jesse James Hunter and alongside brilliant players such as Ryan Giggs and Luka Modric that I will have great help in stepping up my game. Thanks everyone, and I can't wait to get started".

Signed and sealed. Team Rocket TV (sponsored by Samsung) can officially confirm the signing of Chris Brunt in a deal reported to be worth £6.2m, which sees the midfielder become the latest acquisition to the Kanto region.


http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/1091/rmini.png (http://www.pesgaming.com/showthread.php?p=1777560#post1 777560)



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[Hunter]

http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/6664/skrtelluizsigning.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/10/skrtelluizsigning.png/)


All new Team Rocket TV (sponsored by Samsung) can exclusively confirm that manager Jesse James Hunter has been busy again, this time securing a double signing. The players in question are Martin Skrtel and David Luiz, both of Sminkswich Victoria, in a scoop deal reportedly worth £15m.

It's been no secret that Team Rocket have been low on defensive capabilities lately, and with Sminkswich Victoria potentially spending more than they had in the early stages of the summer transfer window, it seems a deal of mutual interest was formed which sees manager Sminky's bank balance once again rise with the transfer window bidding set to reopen very soon.

Skrtel, having already played alongside Team Rocket's Pepe Reina for a number of years in the past, means the vital cooperation between defence and goalkeeper is clearly a key priority of Team Rocket for the upcoming season.

Exclusively on Team Rocket TV.


http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/3584/newtrtvmini.png (http://www.pesgaming.com/showthread.php?t=85154&page=3)



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[Hunter]

http://img847.imageshack.us/img847/189/sradar.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/847/sradar.png/)


Iron City United winger Nani has been on the radar of Team Rocket for some time now, due to his fast footwork and attacking prowess. Team Rocket TV can exclusively reveal a string of negotiations have occurred between Iron City United manager Mike W and Team Rocket manager Jesse James Hunter for the winger, however thus far, no agreement has been reached. Mike W is said to be extremely keen on keeping the services of Nani for the foreseeable future.

It is a blow for Team Rocket following their persistent pursuit of the attacker, however Iron City United must be commended for their strength and vision for the future.

More on this story as it develops...

Exclusively on Team Rocket TV (sponsored by Samsung).

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[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million manager Cesc Fabregas has come out to criticise Team Rocket. "They've been trying to grab attention, which is what small teams do and they try to unsettle the other teams. They should do like big clubs do and quietly go along doing their work buying the correct players without making a fuss." He also added "Samsung are funding the wrong team I feel and their money will all be lost once Team Rocket are bottom of the league table"

When asked if there were any sponsorships for Army of 1 Million, The manager replied "Well we are in negotiations with a number of companies, but Pepsi are really helping us in the finance and are keeping us afloat at the moment."

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[Hunter]

http://img828.imageshack.us/img828/6355/maxisigns.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/828/maxisigns.png/)


After countless days attempting to sway the sale of Nani, Team Rocket and Iron City United have come to an agreement...however this particular agreement is in relation to the winger Maxi Rodriguez. While not initially on Team Rocket's radar, it is certain Maxi has been impressing over recent years with performances, while seemingly finding his feet in the Premier League last season with 10 goals to his name. The fee being reported for this transfer is in the region of £3m.

Maxi is set to begin training with the team at Kanto bright and early tomorrow morning having passed his medical at the club's Health Centre earlier tonight.

...further developments regarding Team Rocket and their player hunting process have just come in...


http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/2699/gyanjoinsrocket.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/3/gyanjoinsrocket.png/)


After initial uncertainty over Asamoah Gyan's future, Team Rocket can finally, and officially announce the signing of the 25 year old Ghanian striker. The deal which sees Gyan sign on the dotted line is reported to be worth £8.1m, and is set to see him play alongside the club's highest priced signing in that of Luis Suarez.

Gyan is to undergo a medical tomorrow morning at the Kanto Health Centre and will commence training with Rocket teammates the following day.

Team Rocket TV (sponsored by Samsung) will be exclusively interviewing the latest Team Rocket signings tomorrow, so stay tuned for more interesting news!

...

http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/475/artetajoinsrocket.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/696/artetajoinsrocket.png/)


Yes. A triple swoop. 3 signings within 24 hours. Team Rocket and manager Jesse James Hunter incredibly hard at work again in order to bolster the team's squad before the season starts. Mikel Arteta's experience is expected to bring a calmness and more level headed approach to the dressing room in a team flooded with young talented players, and Ryan Giggs.

Team Rocket TV (sponsored by Samsung) can exclusively reveal that the deal has just been struck within the last hour or so, and the fee is exactly £6.1m. Arteta is said to be delighted with the move and cannot wait to jump in with both feet (not literally) and earn his spot in the starting 11.

More thoughts from Arteta will follow tomorrow, only on Team Rocket TV.


http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/1091/rmini.png (http://www.pesgaming.com/showthread.php?p=1777560#post1 777560)



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[Hunter]

http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/3236/distininkanto.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/600/distininkanto.png/)


Team Rocket TV can exclusively reveal that a deal has just been struck with Club Universidad de Hounslow for defender Sylvain Distin, with the fee reportedly being a wholesome £8.5m. The experienced defender is another recent addition to Team Rocket's rapidly growing squad.

The 6'4" Frenchman certainly has his work cut out however with competition in the defensive department from the likes of David Luiz and Martin Skrtel, as well as Philippe Senderos who Jesse James Hunter is confident can prove himself to be a truly solid rock after coming off the back of a nasty injury that plagued the Swiss international last season.

Sylvain Distin is already on his way to the Kanto region to complete his medical and appear before the club's photographers and TV station - Team Rocket TV.

Both managers; Dragonfly and Jesse James Hunter are said to be extremely happy with the business, which sees Team Rocket's defence strengthened, while Hounslow's worrying financial difficulties are eased for the time being.

Team Rocket TV is brought to you exclusively by Samsung.

http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/1091/rmini.png (http://www.pesgaming.com/showthread.php?p=1777560#post1 777560)



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[Hunter]

http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/1153/rafaelarrivesatrocket.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/59/rafaelarrivesatrocket.png/)


In a massive turn of events, Team Rocket have surprisingly decided to part with Mikel Arteta just days after signing him - after word leaked up to manager Jesse James Hunter that the Spanish midfielder was having difficulty adapting to life in Kanto. The wheels were swiftly put in motion, with Rocket manager Hunter, and Raoul Moatdrid manager Appswah coming to an agreement over a swap deal transfer - the first in PESGaming Fantasy League history.

According to reports, Team Rocket TV, brought to you by Samsung - can exclusively reveal the details of the transfer, which sees Arteta and £4m making their way to Raoul Moatdrid CF in exchange for the 21 year old Brazilian twin Rafael da Silva. Rocket manager Hunter is said to be a strong admirer of the youngster's talents and after initially missing out on him during the earlier stages of the transfer window, he was quoted as saying that he is "absolutely thrilled to have such an up and coming, captivating footballer join the squad".

Rafael da Silva will be making his way to Team Rocket's Health Centre in Kanto tomorrow for his medical, before meeting up with the remaining squad for lunch and training the following day in a team bonding period.

This looks to be exciting times for Team Rocket. Hopefully this run of positive transfer activity can continue for the club and it's supporters. Every rumour, every move and turn will be captured by Team Rocket TV and broadcast to you exclusively.


http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/1091/rmini.png (http://www.pesgaming.com/showthread.php?p=1777560#post1 777560)




.

[Phatmann]

S.S. Phatzio managed to sign Jack "Technique" Wilshere and Jonny "he's Irish?" Walters for a combined fee of £11.6m from the Fantasy Football Association yesterday. The manager is said to be pleased with both signings but is devastated at losing out on the bidding for Gervinho: "Considering the sizeable sum paid for the lad, I wouldn't be surprised if his agent isn't set for life now. We wanted "Ricky" Gervinho but his agent is a right horrible bastard who is as bent as a Mickey Thomas fiver."

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/08/24/article-1305692-0AE77DBC000005DC-2_468x321.jpg

:obamahmm:

[Hunter]

Nice little bit of business there brother, love the nicknames you've given them too, boxing-esque. :lol:

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million linked with Suarez, Agger

Army of 1 Million have seemingly been linked to Team Rocket forward Luis Suarez and Eggington Town defender Daniel Agger. They have reportedly been on manager Cesc Fabregas' radar for quite some time and now a deal looks to be in the works. When asked about who he will sign the manager replied "Well I don't know who exactly will come but I assure the fans there are still plenty of players coming in". When asked about the rumours for these two players he replied "They are obviously wonderful players but I'm not sure these are exactly who we are trying to sign".

Cesc Fabregas(the player) has come out to say he is Army for life, and will not contemplate leaving the Army for all the money in the world. He also had kind words for his manager "The manager trusted me with Vice Captain and I am thankful for that, He really is an amazing manager who can get the best out of his players". Lukasz Fabianski also said in an interview with assist.com "We are the absolute favourites and it's impossible for us to lose, we're quite obviously the best team in the world".

.

[Bammers05]

Agger laughs off Army of 1 Million rumours

After recent transfer speculation linking him with a move to league favourites, Army of 1 Million, the question was posed to Eggington's Daniel Agger in the club's press conference today.

http://www.liverpool-fc.dk/foto/agger05.jpg

After being asked whether there was any truth to these rumours, the Dane burst into hysterics, as did many of the journalists in the room.

It took 5 minutes for everyone to calm down, after which Agger stated: 'No, there is no truth in those rumours. I'm happy here and, even if I wasn't, I wouldn't want to go there.'

.

[Hunter]

http://img692.imageshack.us/img692/4192/suarezhandsoff.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/692/suarezhandsoff.png/)


The Team Rocket board and manager Jesse James Hunter refute claims that Luis Suarez is linked to Army of 1 Million, and issues a hands off warning towards all clubs in the PESGaming Fantasy League, in that Luis Suarez is not for sale - for any price.

Luis Suarez could not be reached for comment at this time, as he is currently training hard in pre-season with the rest of the Team Rocket squad. He is however said to be delighted to be a part of Team Rocket, and is even more enthusiastic about the big plans Hunter and the board have for the club for the forthcoming season.

Team Rocket TV is brought to you exclusively by Samsung.



.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million manager Cesc Fabregas has hit out at Luis Suarez for refusing to join the Cairo based club. "He has absolutely no ambition to want to play there, he's showing himself to just be playing for the money and that makes me want him less. If you play for money you're never going to be world class, that's the difference between Robin Van Persie and the likes of Luis Suarez."

Chris Baird also had unkind words for Team Rocket "They're all about the money and their fancy Samsung and all that. They're not a football club". While Martin Kelly said "They're fucking shite and they just have shitloads of money to keep em afloat. We get the fucking trophies at the end."

Reports have risen that Martin Kelly may be fined for his words, all will be revealed in minutes as the PESG FFL make their decision.

.

[IronCity]

Financial Adversity Won't Dash Iron-Clad Dreams

Iron City United owner/manager vowed to make his club financially stable following a week’s worth of overspending by the PESG FL’s first United States owned team. “We spent a few more pounds than we initially expected” said Mike W., “but it is all to secure players that can score the most touchdowns and home runs”. At the heart of Iron City United’s financial woes is the 18m transfer fee placed to purchase Gervinho. “The handsome fee we placed for Gervinho will not be squandered” continued the Iron City United owner, “He is essential to our elephant offense”. The elephant offense refers to the double tusk attack of the Ivorian Gervinho and fellow countryman Didier Drogba. Together, these two strikers can become the most feared powers in the league and forecasted to score a combined 30 or more goals this season. But British owners in the PESG FL disagree. “These Americans think they can just come in here and throw their green money around like it doesn’t stink” stated one rival club manager, “Whilst I grab some of that money and wipe my arse with it”, “ as for elephants, well they're nearly extinct in Côte d'Ivoire”. The Iron City United owner will likely take a more conservative approach to close out the current transfer window by concentrating on less attractive yet talented players to round out the squad. Despite the dire financial condition of the club, Iron City supporters remain as hopeful as ever for league silver. An energized U.S. fanbase has kept Chicharito jerseys flying off the shelves as fast as they are stocked. “The merchandising is the icing on the cake” said the Iron City owner with a wink.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million are happy to announce the signing of 4 new players. Sebastien Squillaci, Ledley King, John Heitinga and Alberto Aquilani are now officially Army players. They have joined the club for a joint fee of 12 million and expectations are now high for the clear favourites this season. Edin Dzeko is reportedly in a bidding war between Army of 1 Million and Club Universidad de Hounslow but Army are hopeful of getting their man in the end. Robin Van Persie said "The 4 of them are quality players who will make me and Cesc feel more comfortable going forward. Edin Dzeko is a big big player who I would love to play upfront next to me. I hope he joins us".

Manager Cesc Fabregas could not be reached for comments as he is busy bidding for Edin Dzeko in private. But something is clear though, that the favourites are getting stronger and stronger.

.

[PEM]

Craig Gardner Signs for PEX

http://images.sportinglife.com/10/01/330/Craig-Gardner-England-Under21-Aston-Villa_2408392.jpg

Craig Gardner today signs for FC Planet Express for £3,00,000. It seems that FC Planet Express already have many players in that Midfield role that it may be tough for Gardner to find a first team place.

Skysports spoke to Craig Gardner after his move.

Skysports: So Craig, Another transfer for you, taking the biscuit now arn't you?

Craig Gardner: Errrr...yeah well, a chance to play for a club such as Planet Express is a opportunity I could not miss out on. They told me their club aspirations and they matched my goals. Its also always nice to play for the club you supported as a child and grew up watching. So It was a no brainier.

Skysports: Supported as a child? You've said this about Birmingham city Aston villa, Sunderland (Probably) and now FC Planet Express, who on earth did you support?

Craig Gardner: Errrrrm....FC Planet Express no doubt, i was miss quoted in my other interviews...

Skysports: Ah okay, would you like to say anything to the Sunderland Fans?

Craig Gardner: yeah, sorry for moving just understand what I'm saying. I only kissed the badge for you to like me. It also added a few extra zeros on my contract....

Skysports: thanks Craig and good luc...

Craig Gardner: Oh and P.S....I'm a C*nt.


:erm:

[Cesc Fabregas]

PEM, all your players are cunts except Ramsey.

[Hunter]

http://img692.imageshack.us/img692/7011/59898586.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/692/59898586.png/)

[PEM]

Planet Express Boss criticizes Team Rocket Signings

http://thumbnails.hulu.com/4/408/11427_512x288_manicured__O59dN rgoFk64CtYw25jkGQ.jpg

Its two weeks until the new season begins and it was Planet Express manager George Michaels first press conference before the new season.

George Michael who is usually quiet when it comes to speaking to the press was not short for words today, especially when asked about potential competition.

A BBC journalist had asked George Michael about Team Rocket signing John Arne Riise as it was rumoured he was set on a move to Planet Express.

George Michael had said "well yes, he was a target. It seems I was too late in putting my bids in. I must admit, Team Rocket have got him on the cheap and it is a quality signing for them."

He then added "Although this does not show for their other signings such as Adel Taarabt. Personally 7million is far too much for him and that I don't rate him as highly as many others do."

Later on in the interview FourFourTwo Magazine had asked Planet Express Manager about the current opinions in the Media how Team Rocket are Planet Express' Biggest threat and rivals.

George Michael Had this to respond, "Hmm, Rivals most definitely and I'm sure the fans can express this better than I do but threat? Laughable. They are more relegation battlers than anything and if i'm honest, No one is a threat to this club as I see us winning this league with a huge margin. We may not have any defenders yet but they will be signed soon.

I'm also not fond of Team Rockets assistant Manager Meowth. I feel he is far too erratic."

He also added at the end of the press conference that he'd also like to announce that they will be completing the signing of a new assistant manager today, Meowth's close rival Pikachu from Pallet Town FC."

:angry:

[muscularmatt]

Breaking news...

Local Costa D'Excellente local publication Periódico Fantastico reports that CF Pijo Burro have turned down what they only described as a "derisory" offer for Danny Welbeck from an unamed club. Manager Jose Mattinho (or however I spelt it the first time) has this to say;

"I have always said everybody and everything is for sale at the right money. But the offer we received for Danny made me want to smash babies with a big hammer. It was not good enough. Nowhere near. I guarantee that we will finnish above the team in question in this year's competition, and that I had vicious, non lubed anal sex with his mother."

Sources can now only speculate as to who was stupid enough to provoke the Iberian-Yam Yam temper that Mattinho is renowned for.

[Nifty1Pound50]

Manager Matthew Connolly today silenced the Skleprazent fan-group who had previously claimed he was hesitant to spend the money required to challenge for honours.

Skleptoe & Son today announced a quadruple capture with a total outlay of well over £30m. The marquee signing was undoubtedly Sergio Agüero, who made up a sizeable portion of the total fee.

The talented Argentine, who was linked with a host of clubs including self-proclaimed favourites Army of 1 Million, was quick to praise Connolly as a big part of the reason he chose Skleptoe. "He sold me the idea very quickly. He explained that my signature would be crucial to the team's ambitions."

Joining Agüero are prospects Marc Albrighton and Somen Tchoyi, both of whom earnt glowing reviews throughout the 2010/11 campaign, along with Brett Emerton who has consistently proven his Premiership credentials during a prolonged spell at Blackburn Rovers.

Connolly was quick to acknowledge the contribution each player would make, rather than be drawn on the Agüero transfer alone. "In Marc, Somen and Brett we have three players capable of scoring and creating game-winning goals. Of course Agüero is the one everyone wants to hear about. He cost the big money. He was the one wanted by other teams, but evidently what we offered was superior. I can't speak for others' disappointment, but we're over the moon to get a player who has shown how good he is in Spain and in Europe recently."

"Give the lad time to rest - he's had a busy summer and the speculation has been draining. He'll be linking up with the rest of the boys soon enough."

The four new signings provide much needed competition for places for Skleptoe & Son, who were previously only able to name a starting XI. However, the manager will be keen to continue with business, as the squad is still three names short of the minimum required for league competition.

.

[Ali_BWFC]

AFC Midtable Mediocrity Wanderes boss, Ali Beedoubleyoueffsee has announced that he is still on the look out for more players. In an exclusive interview he said:

"I would still like to sign 1 more player of every position, I have cash to spend, and am urging any manager in the league who has and semi decent players they want to sell, to come forward."

There you go.

[Bammers05]

Originally posted by The Eggington Times
Eggington Town defender Phil Neville has today criticized the transfer policy of rival PLFF team Sho Sho FC.

Neville questioned the frequency of transfers being conducted by at the aforementioned club, saying: "They're just buying up everyone in sight. I understand that it's important to get as many good players as possible, but they're snapping up pretty much every available player. Surely they should leave 1 or 2 for the rest of us?"

Sho Sho FC could not be reached for comment at this time, but Neville was reportedly told to "shut the **** up!" by Eggington Town Financial Adviser Arsene Wenger, shortly after he made the comments.

:ohmy:

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army manager Cesc Fabregas has criticized Eggington Town after Phil Neville's comments. "They're all stupid and that comment was really evident of the average Eggington IQ. They're all that C word with 4 letters. Obviously corn". New Army signing Raul Mereiles said "Eggington and Rocket are fooking shite". New signing Jose Bosingwa also said "We're the best team on earth and clear favourites, no one can take this league trophy but us".

.

[Nifty1Pound50]

Benches don't win trophies

Skleptoe & Son manager Matthew Connolly has questioned Army of 1 Million's title credentials in a recent interview with Sky Sports, claiming the Egyptian-owned club are "light on experience."

"They've been quick to dip into the market and spend reasonable money, but are they proven? I look at who they've signed and think, 'there's no guarantee of success, there.' Maybe some of those lads will prove me wrong but they're light on experience and I haven't seen them do it yet."

Connolly went on to single out a number of Army of 1 Million FC's new signings.

"The lad they bought from us, [Martin] Kelly - 10 games. Ledley King - every third game. Squillaci? Fourth choice at Arsenal. Even the new lad, [José] Bosingwa - how many is he going to play at Chelsea this year when they've got [Branislav] Ivanovic doing so well?"

"I know many-a-manager has said you don't win anything with a bare eleven. But I'll tell you this - you don't win trophies with substitute benches alone, either."

Skleptoe & Son's recruitment policy very much echoed outspoken manager Connolly's sentiments, with the club today announcing the capture of Simon Davies.

In what seemed like another indirect slight on Cesc Fabregas' own summer signings, Connolly explained; "Simon represents an excellent bit of business for us. He plays 30 a season. He scores goals, he creates them - he's at the heart of a lot of what Fulham do. He's exactly the sort of player we need to compete in this league."

.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million manager Cesc Fabregas has launched some counter criticism of his own. "Martin Kelly? He'll play tons of games this year, Ledley King? He's a rock at the back for spurs. Jose Bosingwa? He's one of the best right backs in the premier league. Sebastian Squillaci? He's an experienced defender who might just take his chances next season. Like it or not, we're one of the best teams around. Let's look at their squad then. Phil Jones, He won't get 10 games this season with Vidic and Ferdinand, as well as Smalling in good form. Kieran Gibbs? He faces strong competition from Armand Traore this season. David Wheater and Kyle Walker? Have you ever heard of those two? Then the rest of their squad are basically mediocre players besides Aguero who is their only true gem. They won't go far this season, mark my words."

.

[Appswah]

Raoul Moatdrid have put Thomas Sorensen up for sale. With Anders Lindegaard coming in there seems to be no room for Sorensen. Chairman Eamonn Holmes said "The guys a cunt. I want rid of him a.s.a.p" Moatdrid want in the region of £4m for Sorenson but it is believed that he could be let go for as little as £3.5m or a trade for a reserve defender would be prefered.

Eamonn Holmes went on to say "We enquired about a Danny Welbeck of
CF Pijo Burro but the managers valuation was ridiculous, I suggest he stops smoking crack and fucking fat chicks and learn more about the business of football." It is believed CF Pijo Burro wanted in the region of £14m for the services of Danny Welbeck.

.

[IronCity]

.

14m for Welbeck? Thats Cesc Fabergass I need a striker kind of money.

[Hunter]

http://img191.imageshack.us/img191/2885/sorensensigns.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/191/sorensensigns.png/)

[Hunter]

http://img840.imageshack.us/img840/6869/rocketsigngrahamcomplet.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/840/rocketsigngrahamcomplet.png/)

[Ali_BWFC]

I will release a statement, after numerous clubs have made bids for my star striker, Darren Bent:

NOT FOR SALE! FUCK OFF!



.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Darren Bent on his way to Army?

Reports of striker Darren Bent leaving the midlands team were quashed by their manager. But now the striker has been seen in Cairo and is reportedly having a medical. It is reported that an offer of 7 million pounds was accepted by Midtable Mediocrity Wanderers. Manager Cesc Fabregas said "It's pretty much a done deal, he's having his medical and we're ironing out his personal wages and all that. We're almost done and he's a fantastic striker. Great acquisition.

.

[Hunter]

:laugh:

[Ali_BWFC]

In a recent interview with the AFC Midtable Mediocrity Wanderers manager, he states:

"I am really starting to worry about the intellect of some members of the league, with regards to being geography impaired. We're not in the fucking Midlands.... we're in the North West.... get it fucking right!"

When asked how he feels about to prospect of travelling to an away match in Cairo, he said:

"It's a bloody fucking joke to be honest. What the shit where the league thinking? The logistics involved in travelling to cacking Cairo for a sodding away game are insane! Utter, utter bull plop."

Meanwhile, Darren Bent responded to incorrect reports that he is due to join Cairo-based Army of 1 Million:

"nah, blood. aint tru. i never heard nothin from cairo. though it wld be nice 2 visit 1 day, i here turkey is luvly this time of the yr"

.

[Bammers05]

Originally posted by Sky Sports

Eggington to hi-jack Bent deal?

With the transfer of Darren Bent to Army of 1 Million seemingly a done deal, Eggington Town have come up with an 11th hour bid and look set to hi-jack the deal.

Bent, who was allegedly in Cairo to have a medical with Army of 1 Million, has been the subject of intense transfer speculation and looked destined to join the Egypt-based side. However, upon hearing of these new developments, Eggington Town has, immediately, sent Financial Adviser Arsene Wenger and Chief Negotiator Nicklas Bendtner in an attempt to try and hi-jack the deal.

When asked why Eggington were so interested in Bent, Bendtner replied: "He's a very good striker. Not as good as me, but he'll do." Financial Adviser, Wenger, was also asked how the club were hoping to pay for Bent, taking into account their strict financial principles and Wenger's own prudent transfer history, to which Wenger answered with a mischievous wink.

:ohmy:

[PEM]

George Michael - "Bent Is shite" and hits out at Team Rocket

http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.c om/2008/10/03/cera.jpg

Since many clubs across the country have been speculated to sign the forward, Skysports asked Planet Express Manager George Michael what his opinions on the striker are.

"Darren Bent is a quality striker.....Given that he is at the right club. I highly doubt he will score many goals due to Alex McLeish being too defensive when it comes to tactics. I've worked with McLeish before and his tactics are very negative. When taking a lead, he will try and keep that 1 goal cushion. He will never try and push forward. He knows how to organise defences, but not the greatest when it comes to attacks. Thats why Bent is Shite in my opinion as he is useless at the club he is currently at."

"oh and I'd just like to add one more thing. Team Rocket, although your squad is nearly full, I suggest signing some new players...Maybe another 18 as the team is weak...LAST WEEK. I know many agree as would Meowth...but he would say, "Thatssss righttt"



:tongue:

[Appswah]

Darren Bent has been caught red handed after it was confirmed by the players agent that the leaked picture on the internet is actually the player himself. The photos show Darren Bent entering, staying for 20 mins and leaving the public toilets located in south London for what is believed to be a an A-list star Glory Holeing session.

Stars including George Michael and Will Young were amongst the visit and will all be named and shamed in tomorrows newpapers.

George Michael Leaving the scene of the crime.
http://milkdog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/george-michael-paranoid-weed.jpg

Eamonn Holmes chairman of Raoul Moatdrid was quoted:

"Thank fuck our enquiry about this player was knocked straight back! The guys a cock sucker!"

More to follow...

.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army manager Cesc Fabregas has revealed his delight at the press being taken to a more prominent role in the league. "It adds suspense and is fun to view. I'm really glad the league are giving it more attention."

When asked whether Darren Bent will join after the recent comments he said "We've hit a complication in his medical. He has cuntiosis and we're not sure how that might affect his play. I guess that's why the fee of 5.5 million was agreed. those 4 million sure seem like a lot now. It's 3 fucking million for god's sake."

.

[Ali_BWFC]

There's Something About Darren

Darren Bent hasn't even kicked a ball this season. But he has already been the talk of the town, with numerous high profile approaches from some of the top clubs in the league. In an unusually eloquent interview, he told us:

"When I signed for AFC M.M. Wanderers, I was overcome with an emotion that was contiguous to complete enrichment of one's soul. I was indubitably delighted to be aquainted with the club, and all it's loyal supporters. When one signs for a highly prestigious club, one has to hold one's self to the highest regard. After all, elation is the key to happiness, and I am truly elated.
When one is approached by another club, flattery is on the menu. However, loyalty has been a long-standing member of said menu, loyalty which can not be matched, by man or beast, in any such form. Innit bruv?"

(Rumours of drug abuse were strongly denied by the club.)

Meanwhile, Ali Beedoubleyoueffsee has been enraged by the constant pursuit of his star striker:

"He's not for sale at any price. I don't appreciate other clubs talking about my player. I wouldn't do that for their players, and I would expect the same respect. Should such actions continue, I would be forced to report to the league chiefs"

.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army manager Cesc Fabregas was asked to comment on the situation of Bent. He replied "We cured his cuntiosis and he's gonna join us soon. I don't talk about other teams' players, but he's our player now". Competition will be powerful between Bent, Van Persie and Dzeko. Van Persie at least, is assured a starting berth.

.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million manager Cesc Fabregas has come out to comment on the recent lull in transfers. "Mr. Nifty1pound50 is a busy man and we all appreciate his hard work. He is great at organizing transfers and he introduced technology to the league. He obviously has more important things on his agenda but we expect him to end the speculation soon enough."

He was then asked whether he approved of his team and he said "Of course, the boys work hard everyday in training. There is chemistry building up and we have plenty of world class players. Other teams don't have these luxuries. You look at Team Rocket and they don't fit together. You look at Eggington and they have average players and don't have the kind of world class players you need to win this league. Maybe enough to get to the top 7 but I doubt they will get anywhere near the top 4. Our fans are fantastic as well and they are confident of winning, so are our players. We have that winning mentality which will be the deciding factor in this league I reckon."

.

[Ali_BWFC]

AFC M.M. Wanderers are delighted to announce the signing of 3 top quality left footed players. With a combined price of 11 million pounds, Damien Duff, Ivan Klasnic and Diniyar Bilyaletdinov have completed the move to the Bolton - based team. The manager said:

"I'm chuffed to bits. With these signings, my squad is almost complete, all I need is one extra goalie, and I believe we'll literally shit on all the other teams."

.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million is pleased to announce the signing of 4 new strikers. Micheal Owen, Carlos Tevez, Gabriel Agbonlahor, and Nicolas Anelka have joined for 3m, 8.1m, 3m, and 5.1m respectively. The strikers are expected to join Edin Dzeko and Robin Van Persie in training by the 10th of August and are the final pieces of the puzzle for the club.

Doubt has been cast at their futures though, as Cesc Fabregas said at the beginning of the season that he will only buy 4 strikers. While he may have changed his mind, the players have been said to be up for transfer is wanted by other clubs, and Micheal Owen and Nicolas Anelka and Gabriel Agbonlahor have been put up for transfer as well as defenders Sebastien Squillaci, Jose Bosingwa, Tony Hibbert and Ledley King. Martin Kelly has also been rumoured to want a move away. When asked about this, the gaffer said "Players might be sold but I will keep our squad intact and ready to compete."

.

[Nifty1Pound50]

The PESGaming Fantasy Football League Football Association regrettably announce that due to financial instability, Sho Sho FC have been liquidated.

The club's previously-held assets and players have been freed from contractual obligations and are now available to discuss terms with other clubs.

.

[Nifty1Pound50]

The PESGaming Fantasy Football League Football Association has quickly moved to dispel the rumours regarding the liquidation of Sho Sho FC.

Earlier on the evening of Tuesday 9th August 2012, it was 'announced' by some local media that Sho Sho FC, due to take part in the upcoming Fantasy Football season, had been disbanded due to irregularities in their finances.

The statement was followed by the appendage that the club's assets, including their players, had become freely available on the market for the purchase of other clubs.

The PESGFFLFA have now issued a statement claiming that "no such statement has been issued and this is not the case. Although Sho Sho FC are in jeopardy of not competing in the competition, no decision has been taken to liquidate the club and release its assets."

"The confusion and, frankly, fabricated reports of such events has been due to negligent media and the correct course of action will be taken in respect to those publications that made erroneous information available to the public. Dare I say it, the website that published this as news is reknowned for jumping the gun in the wake of unsubstantiated reports."

It is rumoured that Sho Sho FC are involved in a merger, although no spokesperson for the FA could be drawn on such speculation.

Further developments are expected shortly.

.

[Nifty1Pound50]

The PESGaming Fantasy Football League Football Association has announced a first-of-its-kind arrangement, following the eventual liquidation of three of its clubs within a matter of days.

AFC Quimbledon, Sho Sho FC and Sminkswich Victoria FC have all been liquidated following their respective inability to prove to an independent board of adjudicators that they are financially-viable adminsitrations.

The respective clubs' assets have been seized by the PESGaming Fantasy Football League FA, with a three-month embargo placed on the relevant players before they are free to join other clubs. The move is likely to be somewhat of a surprise to the remaining clubs, with the expectation being that the numerous players (notable examples being the likes of Joe Hart, Patrice Evra and Vincent Kompany) would become available immediately.

"We were keen to avoid frenzied bidding in times of such financial instability. As the governing body, we have a responsibility to ensure a level financial playing field and it was deemed the only way to ensure such parity was to embargo the transfer of the previously under-contract players. In order to compensate for their respective clubs' liquidation, their contracts will be honoured for the three-month embargo period by the FA."

Although the embargo period is set to expire on 11th November 2011, this will effectively rule those affected players out until the end of the calendar year at least, with the FA clarifying that no special dispensation to sign these players will be afforded.

"Transfers between PESGaming Fantasy Football League clubs will be subject to the same rules as previously set out - that is, the transfer window will open on 1st January and last for the duration of the month."

The news is likely to be received more favourably by some clubs than others, with those with a large remaining budget understandably disappointed to miss out on the opportunity to flex their financial muscles in acquiring some players of proven calibre.

Full list of players unavailable due to embargo:

Goalkeepers

Mark Schwarzer
Paddy Kenny
Joe Hart
Wojciech Szczęsny
John Ruddy
Brad Friedel

Defenders

Branislav Ivanović
Joleon Lescott
Ahmed Elmohamady
Roger Johnson
Thomas Vermaelen
Patrice Evra
Gary Cahill
Laurent Koscielny
Martin Olsson
Vincent Kompany
Pablo Zabaleta
Fábio da Silva
Jonas Olsson
Antolín Alcaraz
Kyle Naughton

Midfielders

Rafael van der Vaart
Clint Dempsey
Florent Malouda
Stephen Ireland

Forwards

David Hoilett
Peter Crouch
Jay Bothroyd

.

[Nifty1Pound50]

It was today announced that a double-deal, agreed in principle by Club Universidad de Hounslow, to sign both Nathan Delfouneso and Mame Biram Diouf has fallen through due to financial irregularities.

It is understood that a fee in the region of £6m had been agreed to sign the two strikers, however Club Universidad de Hounslow were unable to fund the transfers.

Similarly, Iron City United target Jonás Gutiérrez has been left out in the cold regarding his proposed transfer to the metal utopians after they were likewise unable to stump up the £3m required to complete the deal for the Argentine.

The three players in question are understood to be hoping to receive further offers from more financially stable clubs prior to the close of the transfer window.

These are not the first examples of dodgy finances preventing players from sealing transfers into the PESGaming Fantasy Football League, with potential deals for Josh McEachran and Darren Fletcher having already collapsed a number of weeks ago for the same reasons.

The FA will hope that this worrying trend does not continue, especially considering the recent liquidation of a number of clubs as a result of poor administration.

.

[Cesc Fabregas]

"We will learn from this" says Cesc Fabregas

In an interview with Army 24/7 the official Army magazine, manager Cesc Fabregas said "We were disrupted with the speculation of Cesc leaving and he was a crucial part of our team. Now we are dealt a strong blow and we have to recover. We are last in the league table but you can't judge us from the first gameweek. We played relatively well but some players didn't work hard enough. I've talked to the players and we all feel confident of getting back up to speed."

Team Rocket, who share one of the fiercest rivalries with Army stand 1st in the league and their fans have been chanting about Army relegation.

Ridiculous.

[Dragonfly]

http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/858/cudhnewsletter.jpg

Good Start To The Season

Club Universidad de Hounslow manager, Drago N Fly, was said to be very pleased with his team's start to the season. CUdH were especially impressive at the back, having the best defensive record thus far. "It was a team effort", explained the Russian manager, in a post-match interview. "Everyone worked hard, from the goalkeeper to our strikers."

Goalkeeper Paul Robinson earned himself some brownie points after making an impressive penalty save, with defensive giants John Terry and Bacary Sagna shining in their respective roles, earning themselves cleansheets.

http://img.skysports.com/11/08/496x259/WayneRooneyWestBrom_2636067.jp g
Wayne Rooney scores his first, of what will undoubtedly be many goals of the season.

The outstanding performance of the weekend came from Hounslow's influential forward, Wayne Rooney. His early goal was a message to all defences that the young English man is ready to prove to all his doubters that he is still one of the finest footballers on the planet. However, alarms might be ringing in Fly's ears, as CUdH were not exactly threatening in attack, with Rooney's being the only goal to their name.

With several Hounslow stars yet to make an appearance, the fans cannot help but feel excited at the prospect of seeing the likes of Steven Gerrard, Aaron Lennon and Edin Džeko make their debut's for the great London club. "It's been a good start, but it will only get better", proclaimed the proud CUdH manager.


.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million manager Cesc Fabregas has come out after recent failings to talk to the press. "We are trying to sign players all day long but we just can't find players of our calibre. We offered a mammoth deal of 40m for Sergio Aguero but the Skleps wanted to keep him. I agree that we need big players and I am really hoping to treat the fans to a trophy. Funds are not an issue and the only reason we're selling players is to keep the squad trimmed and throw out the dead weight."

.

[Dragonfly]

http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/858/cudhnewsletter.jpg

Fly: Glimpses of a Great Team

Week two of the season and Drago N Fly's team provided spectators with another good showing. However, the Hounds' boss conceded that the performance was not as complete as he would've hoped. "It was a bit of a contrast from last week", remarked the Russian manager. "We were more focused on defence in the first game. After that solid display, I tried to be more adventures in attack. Unfortunately, as a team, I think this meant we lost focus when we were countered against." This was reflected in the number of goals conceded this week.

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/1822/image6zd.jpg
Dzeko on Rooney both make it two from two.

On the bright side, CUdH's forward partnership of Edin Džeko and Wayne Rooney proved fruitful once more. Both talismanic strikers were on the score sheet again, making it two goals from two games, each. When questioned in a post-match interview, both players were very complementary of each other. They were also quick to show their appreciation towards their team-mates' endeavour in creating chances for the goal machines.

Hounslow fans were pleased to see debuts from James Collins, Marouane Fellaini and Aaron Lennon. We are sure there are only good things to come from the three. The ever confident Drago N Fly ended his post-match interview, once again, in high spirits. "Watching my players play, I see glimpses of a great team forming. Once we finally settle into the season, we will be a team to be reckoned with". The Hounds' fans will undoubtedly be encouraged by the Russian's rousing rhetoric.

.

[Ali_BWFC]

"Hands Off!!"

That was the emphatic statement released by the AFC MM Wanderers boss, earlier today. Ali has reached boiling point, after numerous attempts from fellow managers to unsettle his star playmaker, David Silva.

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2009/05/davidsilvaPA_450x300.jpg
[B]Silva "LOLled" after being linked with a move away from the club.

"As a certain French manager would testify, you're not gonna get anywhere by selling your best players. Just like Darren [Bent], David [Silva] is NOT for sale at any price".

.

[IronCity]

Salgado suffers chicken runs

Iron City United defender Michel Salgado has lifted the lid on the infamous Venky's chicken TV ad by admitting he had to pretend to like the product. "When we found out that ten of us were wanted to do an advert for Venky's, we didn't really know what to think. I had to pretend to love it but the truth is, one bite and my stomach was in knots!
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/09/02/article-2032958-0DADBCBC00000578-419_634x344.jpg

[Hunter]

http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/8001/gyanleavesrocket.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/233/gyanleavesrocket.png/)

[Ali_BWFC]

Holden Delighted to be Back!

Stuart Holden, AFC MM Wanderers' midfield dynamo, is delighted to be back in a Wanderers shirt after a long period of injury, due to certified Irish cunt, Jonny Evans.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/10/Stuart-holden.jpg/175px-Stuart-holden.jpg

In an interview, he said:

"Yeah, I'm delighted to be back in action. Really looking forward to playing some top quality soccer and getting on the offence."

Asked whether he holds any grudges, due to the length of the injury, he said:

"No. Spoke to Jonny [Evans] a few times. He's a pretty cool guy. I know he didn't mean to injure me. I'm not a whiny Man Utd fan who bitches whenever a player of their's is challenged."

.

[IronCity]

The PESG Fantasy New Year's Cup
No doubt, the ultimate goal of the PESG Fantasy Football League is to win the table by accumulating the most points. However, the PESG Fantasy League is pleased to announce the first annual New Year’s Cup. The New Year's Cup is a single elimination tournament embedded within the Fantasy League and composed of the all 11 member clubs. The Cup board of directors worked hard to find an algorithmic solution to the problem of having 11 club teams and could only find one final product. The tournament bracket below shows the only option for 11 teams in single elimination by providing byes for certain clubs in the first week of the competition. The final placement of clubs, and the designation of those receiving byes will be random (not based on table standing) except that Iron City United are forced to play in week 1 because their owner / manager sits on the Cup board. Tournament weeks are staggered throughout the English Premier League fixtures as shown by weekend dates for the Cup's four rounds. The final bracket will be posted on a later date.

The Prize: Well that is the best part. The single winner, decided from the January 2nd fixture, will be awarded a bonafide United States care basket filled with snacks, chocolate, and soda that you can find in the U.S. but not availalble in the U.K. Moreover, the list of items in the package will be decided from suggestions provided by UK club owners.
Best of luck to all, you will need it.
http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/7684/brackeths.jpg

[Michu]

Top notch stuff Iron.

[Appswah]

aww man. Quality idea. Would rep but I can't!

[Hunter]

I'm amazed, this is going to be brilliant.

Brilliant idea Iron, and massive thanks to you, I'm genuinely impressed! I want to win the New Year Cup 2011/12 so damn bad, man oh man I love American goodies! :lol:

I still have some of the strawberry Kool Aid left I imported, although I did order some more (30 pouches of multiple flavours) from Ebay US, however the seller despite being registered for around 5 years with 12,000+ positive feedback just decided to up sticks and leave with hundreds of people's money! Surprising to say the least, and because I had to wait for what I simply thought was lengthy shipping from the US, by the time I realised he'd scammed everyone, the period of claiming a refund had passed!

It wasn't all bad though because I ordered several other American snacks to gorge on as part of a birthday package for myself, including various Skittles flavours unavailable here and Goobers peanut butter and 'jelly'. :D

Nothing better!

Is there a reason we don't get the good Mountain Dew over here? We only get Mountain Dew "Energy", which while good, is obviously not a patch on the version stateside!

Oh, god, I'm getting giddy! Look at what you've done to me Iron!

:w00t

[Michu]

I get the pleasure of drawing the names from the hat so expect that draw within the next couple of weeks gents.

[Hunter]

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/12/Kool_Aid_Man.jpeg

[Michu]

I believe Iron has excluded himself from the competition to ensure the winner is one of the rest of you. Respect to you Iron.

[IronCity]

I believe Iron has excluded himself from the competition to ensure the winner is one of the rest of you. Respect to you Iron.

Just to double check on that, I wasn't excluding myself, just be sure I do not receive a first round bye. That way there is a greater chance of me not making it to the final. But don't get me wrong, I am playing to win and constructed an 11 team bracket. However, for the record, I will send the cup award to a runner up if I do win since the Captain America basket was the premise to establish the cup tourney in the first place (thanks kit kat thread). Also this may be a way to wake up Phatmann and Nifty who both seem to have silently left us.

Thanks to Sminky for setting up the bracket.

[muscularmatt]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6rR1DJrS6xA/Tl5bj0WsnII/AAAAAAAAA8g/BiKOqXj1at4/s1600/mega+bass+fuck+yeah.jpg

[Dragonfly]

Good stuck, Iron. Well, I've always been interested to find out what Twinkies taste like.

[IronCity]

Good stuck, Iron. Well, I've always been interested to find out what Twinkies taste like.

I kid you not - I ate two tonight

[Ali_BWFC]

Good stuck, Iron. Well, I've always been interested to find out what Twinkies taste like.

Haha. I was thinking of exactly the same thing when I saw what the prize was :laugh:. I mean, seriously.... what the fuck are Twinkies???

I think there's actually a site which specialises in US food, but nevertheless, this is a great prize. Good work Iron.

[Hunter]

http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/7223/leaguereportweek7.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/215/leaguereportweek7.png/)

[Bammers05]

You spelt 'leapfrogged' wrong :ninja:

[Hunter]

Cock. I didn't save the file as PSD either, just PNG, so if I want to change it, I'd have to retype it all out. The editor also spelt 'finally' wrong.

Sounds like there's going to be some rumblings in the Team Rocket Headquarters tonight.

[Hunter]

http://img839.imageshack.us/img839/2070/petrelfired.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/839/petrelfired.png/)

[IronCity]

Something to get us through the EPL break

http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/7764/b220341285.jpg

[Hunter]

:lol:

Not to worry, Team Rocket will report back with their club's happenings.

:smug:

[Appswah]

Something to get us through the EPL break

http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/7764/b220341285.jpg

:willis:











:jongcrymore:

[IronCity]

that is what you get for that Gronkowski avatar. mwahahahaha

[IronCity]

Hey You, Don't watch dat

http://gifninja.com/animatedgifs/334833/heyyou.gif

Watch Dis

http://gifninja.com/animatedgifs/334911/twinkie-the-kid.gif

This is the heavy, heavy Week 1 of the PESG Fantasy League New Year's Cup, better known as the Twinkie Cup. So if you are coming off the street, and you are beginning to feel the heat, well listen buster you better start to move your feet. Brackets coming soon

http://lh3.ggpht.com/-E6QGSZbG6cg/R5TElNqLK6E/AAAAAAAAAWc/0MtyqEe0HdI/TwinkieCup2008.jpg

[Hunter]

:thewave:

[Bammers05]

:jedi:

[Phatmann]

Will we receive the pictured Twinkie Cup if we win or just a picture of it?

[IronCity]

real life twinkies will be part of the prize, wrapped of course, but in a cup trophy.

[Ali_BWFC]

Awesome stuff. How's it gonna work then? Pit 2 teams against each other and the one who gets the most points wins? Seems like the most logical way, unless you have some other crafty method up your sleeve?

[IronCity]

thats right ali, head to head competition, single elimination, highest score from the club vs club matchup advances. Last man standing. A number of teams will get first byes becuse of the difficulty in 11 club tourneys. byes will be decided by hat draw rather than any current board rank. Anyone heard from Sminkly lately? He is supposed to pick the bracket. I will pick before first kickoff tomorrow if he doesn't surface.

[Phatmann]

Will the draw be televised?

[Dragonfly]

Will the draw be televised?

No.
http://www.clashmusic.com/files/imagecache/big_node_view/files/GilScottHeron_5.jpg

[IronCity]

I did find a PM that sminky won't be able to do it so my lovely assistant at home (i.e., the missus) will draw names out a hat; the order they are pulled will be the placement on the bracket (numbered 1-11, go back a page to see the bracket).

[Hunter]

Team Rocket shall crush you all!

IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!

Jew5hM13FEc

[Bammers05]

Team Rocket shall crush you all!

IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!

Jew5hM13FEc

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m-PgPS9HXBE/TbmvjuCS--I/AAAAAAAAGzw/PubuS8zpBiA/s1600/Come%2BAt%2BMe%2BBro%2B-%2Bi%2527ll%2BTurtle%2BSlap%2B The%2BShit%2BOut%2BOf%2BYou.jp g

[IronCity]

I put this on my team page and somewhere else but the melody is now stuck in my head so I have to keep sharing. Chicharito gets a new contract.

LzOvXsuzL18

[IronCity]

PESG Fantasy Twinkie Cup Updated Brackets

First round draws have been made (thanks to my lovely assistant).
5 teams receive first round byes: MMW, CUH, PLX, PJB, RMD
6 teams face off in round 1 single elimination action,: IRO vs A1M, PHA vs EGG, TRK vs SKL
http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/5674/bracket1x.jpg

Tournament Bracket will be updated on front page of the PESG Fantasy Football Table thread

[Ali_BWFC]

Success!!

[Bammers05]

I put this on my team page and somewhere else but the melody is now stuck in my head so I have to keep sharing. Chicharito gets a new contract.

LzOvXsuzL18

I think I've probably posted this before, but this is a far better Hernandez video :tongue: :

ySTK4A8ORzA

[IronCity]

I never saw that bandidos video- perfect. The only thing that makes the top one better is that I dubbed it.

[IronCity]

http://www.pesgaming.com/customprofilepics/profilepic196177_2.gif
In order to celebrate the installment of a new digital replay board in the north stands of Ilminster Bypass Stadium (and to boost slumping jersey sales in the U.S.), Iron City United ownership enlisted the help of crack Hollywood producer, John Ashley, to create the new Iron City United promotional video. Great work John.

SxWAapA9oYk

[Bammers05]

:laugh: Quality

[Phatmann]

Signing Baracus was a bold move, do you think he'll get much game time?

[IronCity]

I pitty the fool

[Hunter]

http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/2584/dannygrahaminterviewg.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/39/dannygrahaminterviewg.png/)

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army manager Cesc Fabregas has expressed his delight with his current position on the league table "We are climbing very rapidly up the table and hopefully we can keep that up. Robin has been in excellent form and he's aiding us in reaching our goal. We are a big team and I think we've proved that now. Team Rocket are also a big team but we have a small edge over them and we need to keep it that way. Even if we don't do as well next week, we just have to keep the faith."

"The lads are playing fantastic football, and going from a dull, boring team to a free scoring side. Gabi Agbonlahor has lost his touch a bit but we're confident in him as he is a key player. We also hope that Carlos Tevez can return to regular football as that may give us the extra advantage we need. If he doesn't, I promise you, the fans that I will get a striker for the side to keep us scoring wildly even if Van Persie stops scoring. We have the funds, now just to use them."

The Army have been linked with Wayne Rooney, the league's top player so far this season, but a 30m pound offer was not enough to lure the striker. Their newest target appears to be the Skleps' Aguero who they were also linked to but a 35m offer failed to get the striker to Cairo."

.

[IronCity]

Skleptoe & Son Owner Found Alive and Well

Skleptoe & Son owner, Nifty1pound50, was rescued Wednesday after being marooned on a Pacific Atoll for 13 weeks. Those associated with the club had long expected foul play as the cause for the disappearance of their owner/manager. Reaction around league and within the club has been joyful. “The future looks brighter this morning” said midfielder Jerome Thomas – “I have been a castaway myself for 10 weeks with no decision maker on board to insert me into games”, “I’ve been downright buggered”, “he at least owes me a nice steak dinner”. The 13 week departure began when Nifty arrogantly set out of port with his Ferret Fields luxury yacht, and failed to alert friends or the coast guard of his sailing plans. “I thought I knew what I was doing” sparked Nifty at his press conference, “but I was soon caught in a horrific storm”. During the 6th week of the stranding, Nifty looked up to the heavens and hollered “Save me or desert me – but send me a sign”. It was then, that a copy of Leo Tolstoy’s “War and Peace” washed ashore and Nifty “knew he was going to be stuck here for another 7 weeks”. But all has not been bad for Skleptoe & Son, as they have managed to hold on to midtable location during Nifty’s absence. Some players, who asked not to be directly quoted, felt like they had fared better without interference from the meddling manager. One player said under his breath “now he will start playing a shell game with players and mucking it all up”.
AP photo
http://stevelundeberg.mvourtown.com/files/2010/12/gilligan.jpg

[IronCity]

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lihif7T7PD1qi3n3go1_400 .gif
There's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going.
There's no knowing where we're rowing

"rowing"
http://gifninja.com/animatedgifs/412979/rowing.gif

Or which way the river's flowing.
Is it raining?
Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a blowing?

Not a speck of light is showing
so the danger must be growing.
Are the fires of hell a glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes! The danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing.
And they're certainly not showing
any signs that they are slowing!

Round 2 of the Twinkie Cup This Weekend
http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/5470/bracket2n.jpg

[muscularmatt]

First round bye, and shite opponent in the second round. Get in!

[Ali_BWFC]

How come all the good teams are on one side of the draw, and all the shit teams are on the other side? :hmm:

[IronCity]

How come all the good teams are on one side of the draw, and all the shit teams are on the other side? :hmm:

it took me 3 days later to notice that, everyone can blame my wife for drawing the names.

[Nifty1Pound50]

Raoul Moatdrid to concentrate on league

After being handed a tie that is considered by most 'unwinnable,' Raoul Moatdrid manager Matt Appswah is said to be considering rotating his squad for the forthcoming second round match to ensure his side's league position does not suffer as a result.

AWOL-managed favourites Skleptoe & Son are widely expected to progress, with Raoul Moatdrid not likely to put up much resistance.

With the result effectively a foregone conclusion, experts in the field of punditry as well-respected as Les Ferdinand have been calling for the home side to ring the changes.

"These days, it's a squad game," said Ferdinand. "In my day, you had your eleven starters and it took an injury to get dropped. Now, you've got fifteen, sixteen, seventeen lads all capable of fighting for a first-team spot. It's games like these that you give the fringe players, the hungry ones, a chance to prove themselves. It gives them valuable experience to lose a game that they're not expected to win. It sorts the men from the boys."

Although the media are not suggesting that Raoul Moatdrid will roll over for Skleptoe & Son, there seems to be little doubt cast over the potential result, with Skleptoe boasting the kind of attacking options that would make most teams weak at the knees.

With Nifty seemingly having reached a settlement with the club that sees the man at the helm returning to pitchside for the first time in weeks, Raoul Moatdrid know they have been charged an almost impossible task in halting Skleptoe & Son's progress.

.

[Ali_BWFC]

A Case for the Defence?

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/07/31/article-0-096FB65F000005DC-871_468x286.jpg
A commanding defensive performance.

The AFC MM Wanderers manager has credited his recent cup victory to a strong defensive performance. His side are usually praised for their wonderful attacking football, with David Silva the magician in midfield, but this week he proved that his side have far more qualities.

In other AFCMMW related news, Ali Beedoubleyoueffsee had a shock this morning when he looked at his squad list and found that he had Damien Duff on his books.

http://img.skysports.com/09/11/218x298/Damien-Duff-Republic-woe_2386871.jpg
Duff was clearly upset at being forgotten.

"I seriously forgot I had him. I know there are other players in my squad who never get a game. Like [Diniyar] Bilyaletdinov for example. But he's easy to remember because he has a funny name and stuff..... and I'll never forget Darren Pratley because he looks like the peperami bloke!"

______

[IronCity]

I was right on the mark yesterday. Your 12 point defenders from monday night allowed you to beat me by 10 pts. If only that game was never played.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army manager has hailed Robin Van Persie for his free scoring run. "The lad is now among the goals and assists every day and he's just so reliable. He's the top player of the team without a doubt. We would also like to announce that we are in the market for a striker or two and a midfielder or two. We hope to strengthen these areas that have been pointed out numerous times due to lack of depth, not quality."

The Army have certainly been in good form and now look like genuine title contenders, when 13 weeks ago, they were sitting bottom of the table. This has been credited to their manager, Cesc Fabregas, whose tactical ability belies his young age of 16 years old.

.

[Hunter]

http://img855.imageshack.us/img855/5723/trblog5.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/855/trblog5.png/)

[Ali_BWFC]

January Clearance?

With the transfer window looming, the AFC MM Wanderers boss has stated today that he is willing to listen to offers on some of his underperforming players, to clear up space for fresh faces.

In an exclusive interview, he stated that the following players will up for grabs, available at around original price:

Ryan Nelsen
Darren Pratley
Damien Duff
Diniyar Bilyaletdinov
Andrew Johnson

He also also stated that he is open to negotiation on other membes of his squad, providing a beneficial offer is placed.

With many of his players unable to hold down regular first team places, he feels the time is right to make a change.

He also tweeted:

"Not long until sales. Show me the money lol! #Silvanotforsalefuckoff"



_______

[IronCity]

Lets Get Ready to Rumble
PESG Fantasy Football Twinkie Cup Final to be decided by the total score between Mikey-Phatmann-arundu VS. Ali-oop-istair BWFC during matchweek 20 - January 2, 3, 4, in the year of 2012

http://img708.imageshack.us/img708/6087/lastround.jpg

The Final Contents of the Twinkie Cup are;
F5qqfsQGYus
but seriously now folks, full contents will be revealed after the final match. Winner must supply mailing address. Check your local listings for broadcast times. Cup not to be confused with matchweek 19, December 30-Jan1

[Ali_BWFC]

On current form, I don't fancy my chances.

[IronCity]

it would be an even more impressive re-surgence by Phats if he wins.

[Phatmann]

I can't see me winning. Too many big injuries at the moment which has forced my hand when it comes to selecting the team with only Hennessey missing out. One more injury in the current gameweek and I'd have to field an injured player.

[Nifty1Pound50]

Sergio Agüero 'is for sale'

Skleptoe & Son appear ready to cash in on record signing, Sergio Agüero, after manager Matthew Connolly revealed earlier today that their prized asset was, in fact, available.

Connolly did go on to state that a sale would only be "for the right price," with Skleptoe & Son looking to recoup as much of their original fee as possible.

"Sometimes in football, you take a big risk financially and don't necessarily get the rewards. We feel that Skleptoe & Son would benefit from a more balanced approach. At times, Sergio himself has felt the pressure and unfortunately some of his teammates have not been able to share that goalscoring burden with him."

"The lad is a fantastic footballer, no doubt about it - but perhaps ours is not the right team for him. He would benefit any club in the division and, whilst reluctantly, I have vowed not to stand in Sergio's way should the right offer be presented. Any such offer would have to be for the benefit of both the player and the club and Sergio has been mature enough to accept and acknowledge this."

The club, currently toiling in the lower half of the PESGaming Fantasy Football League table - after a promising start - are likely to conclude numerous pieces of business over the coming days, which could see other players moving both in and out from the club.

.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army manager has come out to speak on the current situation of Gabriel Agbonlahor. "He's a certainty to leave now, the question is where he goes and what he brings the club. It's a possibility that we'll do a cash plus Agbonlahor trade and get ourselves a real marquee player." The deal is supposedly going to be announced in the next 20 minutes.

Cesc Fabregas has also lavished praised on Rafael Van der Vaart "He's our most expensive player ever, but he's worth that and more. He's sure to be among the goals and already has a devastating partnership with Van Persie in training". "We've also signed a world class defender in Stephen Ward and a fantastic striker, which we needed desperately in Craig Bellamy. They are both already showing lots of quality in training, but need a little time to gel."

.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million FC are proud to announce their new team crest. The change comes after players hailing Robin Van Persie and Rafael Van Der Vaart, and suggesting they be on the crest. The crest keeps the Army tradition of Red and Yellow but is much more symmetrical and pretty.

The badge itself:
http://i42.tinypic.com/21zddu.png

.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Cesc Fabregas has gone crazy. Army of 1 Million have lost 11 million pounds. The fans at the ground to welcome new signing Fernando Torres were numerous. They encouraged the Spanish striker, but they too felt an impending doom. Army of 1 Million completed their signing of 'El Nino' for 11 Million from Raoul Moatdrid FC yesterday night. After numerous signings including new star Rafael Van der Vaart and needed striker Craig Bellamy, the fans were on cloud nine. Agbonlahor went to Iron City United and for an extra 10 million, Gervinho was signed. Opinions were mixed about this signing. While Agbonlahor is off form now, Gervinho, the better of the two undoubtedly, has to go to the African Cup of Nations. Thus he won't be useful for a few weeks. This meant a dip into the transfer market for Army.

Although they were reportedly interested in Team Rocket's Franco Di Santo, a deal could not be reached between the two sides. They were also in negotiations with numerous top players, reportedly including Wayne Rooney, Emmanuel Adebayor, Sergio Aguero and Demba Ba. They then surprisingly announced on their club website that a deal had been reached for Fernando Torres. The striker has been off form for a year now, scoring only 2 goals this season. They have taken a big risk by signing him, especially for such a hefty sum. Here is what the manager had to say:

"I think we've made a few great signings. Rafael Van der Vaart is sure to add quality. Bellamy and Gervinho have plenty of goals in them. Stephen Ward is also great at keeping things clean at the back, and contributes with goals every once in a while. Fernando is my wildcard this transfer window. I stand by him and I am sure he will deliver the goods. He's looking sharp in training and should make his first Army start soon. Hopefully, he shows us on the pitch what he can do".

"As for future signings, we're still inquiring about a few players. The names of said players I will not reveal, but I hope to conclude a few deals in the next couple of days."

When quizzed about reports of Sebastian Larsson being on his way out of the club, Fabregas said "There have been inquiries about the lad. He's a key part of our team and won't go for the cheap. I know he's a fan favorite, but in football you sometimes have to take risks. I know the fans are 100% behind the club and I hope to vindicate all of my decisions. He's not a certainty to leave but he's told me that if a good offer comes for his services, he'll have to take it for his career. He's mostly threatened by our signing of Van Der Vaart, but we'll see how everything pans out."

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[Cesc Fabregas]

Army manager Cesc Fabregas has moved quickly to quell rumours about his team's signing of Sergio Aguero. "I don't think he's quality enough for us. He's a midtable player, but I think he wouldn't do well at a real top team." Army were rumoured to have offered star man Sebastian Larsson + a hefty sum of money for the Argentine. A deal was reported to be close, but Cesc Fabregas' comments have quelled all reports of the transfer. They are still reportedly looking for a striker, with Rooney, Adebayor, and Balotelli all seemingly on their radar. The manager has said that he will look at his youth team first before shelling out a hefty sum for a striker.

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[Nifty1Pound50]

Fabregas "lacks class" according to Skleptoe boss

After hearing of Army of 1 Million FC manager Cesc Fabregas' recent comments to the media regarding the proposed bid for talismanic striker, Sergio Agüero, Skleptoe & Son manager Matthew Connolly has immediately hit back over his counterpart's comments.

It seems Fabregas has risked the wrath of the often reserved Connolly by discussing the pair's negotiations during the current transfer window.

"It's disappointing," remarked Connolly, "that a man who constantly talks of his team as a class act has displayed a real lack of judgement in the recently publicised comments. It really lacks class, to me."

It seems Fabregas' assertion that Agüero was not "quality enough" has riled Skleptoe's boss, who clearly considers Agüero too good an asset to sell.

"It's a little naive, if you ask me. Sergio's one of the best in the business. He's been prolific this season and is a big part of the reason why Man City are doing so well. To start shouting your mouth about him not being good enough? Again, that's a lack of judgement.

"Maybe Cesc is a little surprised that we rebuffed his approaches. Maybe sitting 4th in the league they thought they could bully us a little - I don't know.

"We released a statement announcing that if the right offer came in for Sergio, we would consider it. However, what we received from Army of 1 Million was not the right offer and, frankly, insulting.

"They wanted Seb [Larsson] to come this way - a player I like - but the valuations on the table weren't close to what we would accept. They weren't realistic. Disrespectful, even.

"We were hoping to do a deal, which may have included players moving in both directions, but Cesc allowed his fantasies to carry him away on this and so discussions broke down."

Although Connolly refused to release the exact numbers being talked about, it is thought that there was a difference of opinion to the tune of approximately £20m during the negotiations. Connolly did also level a parting shot at his outspoken rival, stating that Skleptoe & Son had also "received a couple of other offers, from genuine title contenders" but as yet had not received "an acceptable offer."

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[Cesc Fabregas]

Army manager Cesc Fabregas has rubbished claims that he was willing to offer Sebastian Larsson to get Sergio Aguero. "Aguero is good, but Seb is one of our key players and the fans love him. I would never give him away to any other team. I offered a fee of 20 million pounds for Sergio, but the Skleps' stubborn manager wanted crazy money and Seb. I honestly feel sorry for Sergio, he's playing at a side with no ambition or title hopes. The lad is good, maybe not good enough for Army. The key thing though is that he is still young and has plenty of potential."

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[Nifty1Pound50]

"Mind games won't work," vows Connolly

Following Cesc Fabregas' latest comments regarding the future of Sergio Agüero, Skleptoe manager Matthew Connolly has again rejected Fabregas' claims.

"Sebastian Larsson was offered to us, along with a small sum of money, with their view being to bring Sergio in. This happened and for him to say otherwise is untrue. These kind of mind games simply won't work.

"We turned down the offer because it was insufficient and we were clear from the start - we will not stand in Sergio's way should the right move materialise, but only if a replacement could be found. Sergio is probably the most talented individual in the whole league and would be an asset at any club, in fact he has the potential to really kick on in the second half of the season and contribute more to the team than any other player in the division. He's adjusted to the pace of the game now - he's sharper, fitter and really enjoying his football.

"There aren't many players who are worth what he is in today's climate."

Although Connolly stopped short of naming names, it is widely thought that Robin Van Persie, of Army of 1 Million, is top of Skleptoe & Son's wish-list. Rumours abound that a mega-money swap deal is being thrashed out by the two clubs which could see the Argentine Agüero and Dutchman Van Persie heading in opposite directions.

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[Cesc Fabregas]

"I'm staying" vows Robin van Persie

Robin van Persie has rubbished claims that he is on his way to Skleptoe and Son FC. "All the money in the world wouldn't get me to leave the Army. I love it here, from the warm Cairo weather to the great team spirit to the fantastic fans. The fans have given me so much and I hope I'm giving back in a proper manner. I've been approached by one or two teams, but I've told the manager that I'm staying. The Skleps are a great team and I have nothing against them, but there's only one club in my heart"

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[Ali_BWFC]

Following the Skleptoe manager's comments, regarding Fabregas, the AFC MMW manager has given us his take on Fabregas's "negotiation" tactics, and is considering making and official report to league chief, I. Ron Sitty.

"I find his constant need to unsettle my players, particularly David [Silva]. I don't know how many more ways I can politely tell him to **** off. David is staying. End of."

"I also find it amazing that he's tried to offer us players that he doesn't even own".
When asked who he was referring to, Ali Beedoubleyoueffsee refused to comment.

When asked to respond to the growing rumours that he was due to sign Sergio Aguero, he said:

"The were preliminary negotions between the clubs, but no deal could be agreed. So we will move on because we respect other managers and their players."

_____

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army manager Cesc Fabregas has uncharacteristically snapped in front of the press. "Now I usually talk calmly in front of the press, but mr. Alibeedoubleyoueffsee has intervened without anyone asking for his ****ing opinion. I never offered something I couldn't promise, but this man has revealed the contents of our negotiation. I offered a couple of players + money for the services of David Silva. The lad is quality and he's a good professional. I can't say the same about his manager. I inquired about David but his manager remained a tight ****. I ****ing doubt his team will stay in the top 4. He was desperate for Seb and I will not sell him. There will be no more negotiations between our teams."

Rafael Van Der Vaart responded to links of joining Midtable Mediocrity Wanderers, he responded "I wouldn't join them. Even when we played them this season their players were ****s. Except Silva who was class all around. We need someone like him in our dressing room. I would never join them."

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[Bammers05]

Vermaelen: Tottenham Player on Army of 1 Million Badge Forced Me To Turn Them Down

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2011/01/17/article-1295264909686-0CB93AB8000005DC-501387_636x300.jpg

Eggington Town defender Thomas Vermaelen has today offered some insight into the frenzied transfer negotiations, which eventually led to him deciding to join the club.

It is well-known that Eggington and Army of 1 Million held frenzied negotiations over the acquisition of the Belgian defender and Vermaelen has revealed that, with negotiations at deadlock, it fell to the player, himself, to decide which club to go to.

"To be honest, it was a very difficult decision. Both clubs were adamant that they wanted to sign me more," explains the Belgian, "but when I saw the new crest that Army of 1 Million were about to unveil, it made my decision easy.

"Apart from the horrible yellow colour and the unusual font, it was the picture of the Tottenham player, Van Der Vaart, that really showed me the true face of that club. From that moment, I realised I could never go there.

"So I chose Eggington Town and, having only been here a few days, I know I made the right decision. We may not be doing so well in the league at the moment, but the team spirit is excellent. Everyone wants to work hard and take us back to the heights of 7th place - where we belong"

"I love the values and principle of the club. You wouldn't find a club with more class anywhere else in the league and I'll strive to bring us mild success".

:point:

[Ali_BWFC]

All in the family

http://images.sportinglife.com/11/08/330/Bradley-Johnson-Norwich_2630928.jpg

Midfielder Bradley Johnson is delighted to have finally joined up with his brothers, commonly known as the "AJ twins".

"Yeah, it's fantastic. Now we can be known as the AJ Twins featuring BJ... err.... I mean Brad..... the AJ Twins featuring Brad."

It's a move that will appease fans, who have been asking for more depth in the midfield.

"I'm not just here to make up the numbers. I'm here to win points."

Bradley was asked if he'd like to see the whole Johnson family re-united, including brother-from-a-different-mother, Glen.

"Absolutely..... apart from Roger.... he's a bit crap".

_____________

[Hunter]

http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/2754/giggsonwayout.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/37/giggsonwayout.png/)

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of 1 Million have completed the signing of Team Rocket defender Marc Wilson. The deal is reportedly worth 8.5m. The defender had been a valuable asset for Team Rocket but has now joined their Cairo based rivals. The manager had words of praise for Marc and Team Rocket's manager "Marc is a quality defender who could turn out to be a really good buy. He has all the qualities needed to succeed at the top level. Mr Hunter has been quite the gentleman in our negotiations and it's certainly much easier to reach a deal with a manager who's not overpricing his players and underpricing yours. Rocket are rivals but the manager has remained class throughout. Marc may feature next week and he may not, we'll have to see if he's match fit and hopefully he gives us a good debut."

,

[Ali_BWFC]

http://memegenerator.net/cache/instances/400x/12/12765/13071492.jpg

[Hunter]

http://img715.imageshack.us/img715/7529/wilsonleavesrocket.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/715/wilsonleavesrocket.png/)

[Hunter]

http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/1919/rocketreleasesroberts.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/10/rocketreleasesroberts.png/)

[IronCity]

Alistair may be one lucky Englisman. Twinkies might not be around much longer

Twinkie Maker Seeks Bankruptcy Protection; story posted Jan 11th
New York City — The maker of Twinkies, Sno Balls and Wonder Bread is trying to lose the fat.

Hostess Brands is hoping to cut its high costs as it heads back into bankruptcy protection for the second time in less than a decade.

Hostess has enough cash to keep stores stocked with its Ding Dongs, Ho Hos and other snacks for now as it battles rising labor costs and increased competition. But longer term, the 87-year-old company has a bigger problem: health-conscious Americans favor yogurt and energy bars over the dessert cakes and white bread they devoured 30 years ago.

Last year, 36 percent of Americans ate white bread in their homes, down from 54 percent in 2000, according to NPD Group. Meanwhile, about 54 percent ate wheat bread, up from 43 percent in 2000.
Consumption of healthy snacks is growing, too. About 32 percent of Americans ate yogurt at least once in two weeks in 2011, for instance, up from 18 percent in 2000.

“We’re less likely to be snacking on items that we shouldn’t be snacking on,” said Harry Balzer, chief industry analyst for The NPD Group, a consumer marketing research firm.

Hostess, which is a privately held, doesn’t disclose sales figures. But Nyeyoka Bryan, 26, is proof that the company has lost at least some of its hardcore fans.

Bryan said she stopped eating Twinkies at about age 16 because she decided they were unhealthy. Still, the student who was sipping a fruit smoothie in the snack aisle of a Duane Reade store in New York on Wednesday afternoon said she’d be sad if Twinkies disappeared.

“They’ve been around a long time,” she said.

To be sure, Hostess’ snacks don’t neatly fit into the U.S. trend toward a healthier lifestyle that includes a diet rich in whole wheat foods, fruits and vegetables.

For instance, Twinkies, a snack cake with a mysterious cream filling that epitomizes empty calories, has 150 calories and 4.5 grams of fat. Meanwhile, a Ding Dong chocolate cake with filling has 368 calories and 19.4 grams of fat.

Hostess has introduced some healthier options in recent years, including 100-calorie packs of cupcakes and Twinkies. The company also is working on lowering sodium in some products. But those efforts haven’t helped the company’s junk-food status much.

“The iconic status of Twinkies is partly this perception that there’s nothing real in it,” said Ken Albala, professor of history at the University of the Pacific, in Stockton, Calif., who specializes in food history. “It’s this cake filled with an unidentifiable sugary cream filling that never goes bad.”

Hostess has other problems, too.

In Hostess’ Chapter 11 filing on Wednesday, the company said its rivals have combined and expanded their reach, heightening competition in the snack space. Hostess’ competitors range from Bimbo Bakeries, which makes Entenmann’s baked goods, and McKee Foods, which make Little Debbie snack cakes. It also faces competition from larger food makers like Sara Lee and Kraft Inc.

Additionally, Hostess employees are unionized while most of its competitors aren’t. As a result, Hostess has high pension and medical benefit costs. The company has 19,000 employees and operates in 48 states.

Hostess did not announce layoffs but spokesman Lance Ignon said Wednesday that the company will make future decisions “in the best interest of the company.”

[Ali_BWFC]

I thought Twinkies could survive the apocalypse, and now I'm reading that they can't even survive the failing economy?? Consider me disappointed. :unsure:

[IronCity]

they are not going to survive the end of the week if I don't get them out in the mail soon. that box talks to me every morning. "C'mon Mike, eat us". I am a little delayed, mostly because I have not been able to get to the post office during their open hours. soon.

[Ali_BWFC]

No worries, mate. Gives me a bit more time to get rid of some Christmas fat. :D

[IronCity]

Bolton Defender accused of verbal abuse to Paul Scholes

Bolton Defender Zat Knight has been accused of verbally insulting Paul Scholes in their recent match by calling him ginger at least 20 times. FA officials replied to these allegations indicating that no inquiry will take place because, as they said, "We like making fun of gingers too".

http://u.goal.com/162500/162589hp2.jpg

[Hunter]

http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/1603/lackofconsistency.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/713/lackofconsistency.png/)

[Nifty1Pound50]

Growing concerns amidst supporters as Skleptoe & Son fail to add real quality

Despite bringing in no fewer than 9 new players throughout January, it seems as though the Skleptoe & Son faithful are a little concerned regarding the credentials of the players signed by the club in this latest transfer period.

It was widely thought that Connolly wanted to add at least one marquee player to his midfield ranks, however the fans don't believe that the likes of Wes Hoolahan or Dirk Kuyt necessarily fit that bill.

Indeed, in a move that angered many fans, January saw the departure of the club's top points scoring midfielder, Chris Eagles, to rivals Midtable Mediocrity Wanderers, prompting some sections of support to question Connolly's credentials as head coach.

"You don't sell your best players," supporters' spokesperson Wojciech Warzyrzyrzyrzyszczeski was quoted as saying. "Whilst we are happy with the acquisition of Brad Friedel, the real priority should have been a midfielder or attacker with genuine star quality."

Connolly defended his raft of new blood, saying that the negotiations conducted in January "have boosted the potential of us as an attacking threat. Dirk scores goals - he's already got two since he joined. Moussa [Dembélé] and Junior [Hoilett] are both exceptionally gifted young individuals. You should see us holding our own a little more in this second half of the season."

Skleptoe & Son have been boosted by the return to full training of long-term injury absentee, Kieran Gibbs, whilst manager Connolly will be hoping Louis Saha's deadline-day move to Tottenham Hotspur will provide the catalyst for a revival of the goal-shy striker's form.

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[IronCity]

I have been getting nervous about our Matthew Connolly. I knew QPR loaned him out of the league to Reading but didn't expect no updated starters or transfer action from him the past week.

[Phatmann]

I don't mean to alarm you Nifty but it appears the supporters are getting rather vociferous in their thoughts about you:

http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/4904/niftyout.jpg

[IronCity]

:lmao:

[Nifty1Pound50]

The shoddiness of the doctoring makes that.

Unfortunately, I have to spread it around before I give to Phats again.

[Cesc Fabregas]

Army of one million manager Cesc Fabregas has signed on for another year as manager of Egypt based side, Army of 1 Million. The manager expressed his delight at the new deal that has been struck between him and the club "Yes, I am Army manager for one more year. I'm glad that I have come to an agreement with Army and hopefully we can do even better next season. When you're at a big club, you don't leave, and I've done that here. I had offers from Midtable Mediocrity Wanderers, Skleptoe and Son, and an array of other teams, but Army is a club that is close to my heart. For that reason, I have decided to stay and go for trophies."

The owner also had kind words for the manager "I'm very proud of him. We are likely to finish in 6th, which is below what I expected, but the team played fantastic football which has promise for the next season. He's been great with signings and has been a class act throughout."

The manager was quizzed on who he thought was the league's best manager. He replied with Team Rocket manager, Hunter. "I think Hunter has been probably the best manager. His team are my team's rivals but he came back from adversity to claim 5th spot, and possibly on a champions league spot later today. His signings have been great, and while his team lacks superstars (read: Van Persie), he has made a group of players that are above average at best, heavyweights in the league. I look forward to testing my tactical prowess against him next season as well."

Fernando Torres was asked on what he thought about his manager, he stated that he thought that he was out of this world. "The manager is out of this world. He's fantastic both tactically and morally. He's a real leader and gets the best out of everyone. He did wonders for my career and now I'm finally scoring. That was thanks to him, he encouraged me and I'm finally in top form." Indeed, Fernando Torres, who has scored quite a few goals in half a season, turned out to be one of the signings of the season. For a long time thought to be unable to score, has scored great goal after great goal.

The manager is expecting to win trophies next season, and with his brilliance, who knows what the team can achieve next season. Only time will tell

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