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Old 02-04-2017, 16:18   #16
muscularmatt
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So I did a writeup again. Starting to turn into part of WM weekend for me, will need to find someone else to offload it onto when this site finally succumbs to AIDS. I might just print out loads of copies and stick them on lamposts or something.

* WWE Flippyshit Championship - Adrian Neville vs Austin Aries

So this is on the preshow, and the Smackdown Women's match makes the main card? Hmmm. Ah well atleast there's some story here, and it's not just a throwaway multiman match. Both guys have the indyinternetwanksock credibility to get the smarks going, both have the charisma and workrate to get the casual fans into it. Should be excellent, should be on the main card. Feud could have legs going forward.

Prediction - Neville


* Andre the Giant Match

Again, should be on the main card really, would've been a good opener. Strowman is the only person worth considering, unless you get somekind of epic surprise return/debut. Him and Sami Zayn last has been said a lot, preferably with the spot that ends the match being really horrible and injuring him.

Prediction - Braun Strowman


* Smackdown Bitches' Championship - Alexa Bliss vs a load of other fuckers

You don't need two women's championships, the depth of quality just isn't there. Don't get me wrong, women's wrestling is obviously a million miles ahead of what it was five years ago, but still not enough to justify two belts, all it does is devalue the orginal one. Expect this match to mostly suck hopefully Naomi will come up with a respectable finisher and not the bum thing.

Prediction - Naomi


* Raw Tag Team Championship - The Club vs Shesaro vs Enzo & Cass

Fair play, the angle between Sheamus and Cesaro has been excellent. Great feud, best of seven series, promise a title match to the winner, then they end as a team? Whuuuut? But they've looked better and better each time they've gone out there. Dig it. Am I the only one that's getting a little bored of Enzo & Cass now? For you main roster only marks that have only been aware of them for 12 months, trust me, it's getting old. Expect Tex/Chadd to drop the belts, hopefully so The Club can expand to include a traded AJ Styles and/or a returning Prince Fergal Finn McFuckingwhateverhisnameis. Too sweet.

Prediction - Enzo & Cass


* Intercontinental Championship - Dean Ambrose vs Baron Corbin

Meh. They've tried to make this feud seem really personal and gritty, but still meh. Ambrose is cold at the moment, and needs to stop dicking about and turn heel. Corbin needs get down the gym and fucking lift, bro.

Prediction - Corbin


* John Cena & Nikki Bella vs Maryse & ZOMGHISNAME'SACTUALLYMIKE

The token mainstream attention whoring BS match. Just glad it involves all wrestlers this year, and not some cunt from some US TV show that no one else has heard of. Miz is hot right now, so would be nice if he could win, but he won't. Shouldn't have made the proposal so obvious, it's just going to feel disingenuous now. I'm intruiged by the idea of Nikki saying no, turning heel and aligning with Miz. Sigh.

Prediction - Cena & Cena


* United States Championship - Kevin Owens vs Chris Jericho

If you don't agree that Y2J is one of the all-time greats by now, and I mean like top 5 or something, then fuck off. Stop reading this and go stick your hand in a boiling kettle. Should be a great match, Jericho probably going away to be a rockstar (I want his life) again for a while. Should be for the Univeral Championship. Fuck you Oldberg.

Prediction - Kevin Owens


* Raw Women's Championship - Bailey vs Charlotte vs Sasha vs Nia

Aka, THE Women's Championship. Should have held off Bailey winning the title until here, but whatever. The smart money seems to be on Sasha winning, preferably turning heel just after the match, or the next night on Raw. I'd say Charlotte probably deserves it more, she's been the best female wrestler in WWE this year by some distance. I'd bang Nia Jax.

Prediction - Sasha Banks


* Shane McMahon vs AJ Styles

Apparently they thought they were gonna get Shawn Michaels to unretire to face AJ, didn't happen. I like Shane, and respect him because of the fucking sick bumps he takes, but this is a waste of (probably) the world's best worker. Expect it to be EXTREMELY meh, with one or two cringey spots. The normal match stipulation is probably just so Shane can fall off something and lose by countout. Shane winning would be the biggest travesty of our time.

Prediction - AJ Styles


* Seth Rollins vs Triple H

Is it on? Is it not? Is he fit? Dunno, don't care. Bored of old big nose thinking he can come back every year and just get a main event level match with whoever he wants. Should have been a retirment match or something. Expect Samoa Joe to be heavily involved, with somekind of new corporation/main event mafia being formed next night on Raw.

Prediction - HHH, just for bants


* It's my garden match - Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker


This should be the match that a) turns Reigns heel and b) sets in motion the wheel for Taker's retirement. He's not looked great for some time now, his condition is on the edge of what can be credibility presented as a bad-ass fighter. It would be a huge shame if he carried on another five years and looked so obviously past it that even the casual fans noticed. Look forward to the crowd/internet's reaction when Roman goes over clean.

Prediction - Roman Reigns


* WWE Championship - Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton

Who's the heel in this, then? Be interested to see how the crowd reacts to both men. The match will be solid I'm sure, but Wyatt has to retain. Fuck Randy Boreton winning the strap in a main event in 2017. Somekind of really cool entrance for Bray planned hopefully? I like Bray Wyatt, but the ship on giving a shit about Orton has sailed. Bray vs AJ could have been a main event if built well, but this is a little bits meh.

Prediction - Bray Wyatt



* Universal Championship - Dadberg vs Bork Lazer

So, remember that match that was an abortion when both guys were in their prime? Yeah let's do it again 40 years later, and make it the fucking main event. It's going on last, you know it is. Another potential worst main event for years, why do they keep trying to top themselves with how shit the main event is? In a time where tons of really exciting workers have been netted up from the indy scene, a great new generation coming through. And this is your 'Mania main event? Way to get the new guys over. The match will suck. Guarandamnteed. Goldberg wasn't a stunning worker back in his prime, and now he can barely do a clothesline without looking stupid. Anything other than Lesnar winning doesn't make sense, preferably by submission after stick the old bastard's arm up his own bum. Then we can put this horrible nightmare behind us and look forward to Lesnar feuding with Finn Balor or Shinsuke Nakamura.

Prediction - Brock Lesnar
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Old 02-04-2017, 18:28   #17
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If you don't agree that Y2J is one of the all-time greats by now, and I mean like top 5 or something, then fuck off. Stop reading this and go stick your hand in a boiling kettle.
Painful, but nevertheless preferable to persevering.
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Old 02-04-2017, 18:49   #18
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I resurrected Matt ( )
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Old 02-04-2017, 18:53   #19
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The indy guys don't main event WrestleMania because they have no character.

Jericho is probably the gretest of all time when it comes to reinventing himself.
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Old 02-04-2017, 19:26   #20
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Top 5 for Jericho is being silly.

Top 20, can make a case.
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Old 03-04-2017, 21:03   #21
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Not looked at any opinions on the event thus far, but for me, it was really boring. Maybe I'm just done with wrestling or maybe it's the product. The only thing I flat out hated was the battle royal (worst final 3 for anything I've seen in my life), but there wasn't a single match I'd even call good. Ladders, Rollins/HHH & Jericho/Owens were decent, but if you go with star ratings I couldn't even muster above ***. At least the winners were the right choice for the most part. It's sad that the only thing I'll remember from this is the Hardys return.
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Old 08-04-2017, 00:59   #22
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I resurrected Matt ( )




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The indy guys don't main event WrestleMania because they have no character.
Nah, Kevin Owens, AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura are boring as fuck aren't they? Christ you come out with some shit. Hi, how you doing, btw?



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Top 5 for Jericho is being silly.




I'm back, bitches!
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Old 08-04-2017, 02:14   #23
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Nah, Kevin Owens, AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura are boring as fuck aren't they? Christ you come out with some shit. Hi, how you doing, btw?
Not one of them would sell out WM.
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Old 08-04-2017, 12:16   #24
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Wouldn't really refer to Styles as an 'indy guy' anymore to be honest.
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Old 08-04-2017, 19:33   #25
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Nakamura isn't either. NJPW isn't the indies, lol. And no, him wrestling in ROH doesn't count, as he was still contracted to NJPW (they just had a working agreement and still do).

Look, I like all those guys Matt mentioned. But they're not going to draw the casuals and that is what WM is all about.
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