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Old 22-08-2015, 18:15   #1
BarnDoor
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The FA Need to Step In and Bring The New Diving Law

I think it's high time now that the FA bring a rule in that prevents ANY football player from diving in an attempt to fool the officials and win an unfair advantage, possibly at the expense of getting an opponent booked or even sent off.

Too many players are making a mockery of the sport - today a fine example of a shit player diving on the pitch with only one intention and that is to win his team an unfair advantage:

https://vine.co/v/eDT2vtI0nP5

Someone tell me where is the joy of having your players practice this deliberate deceit? Those Mancs (and Londoners, and Irish, and Brummies, etc.) were in state of uproar when the free kick wasn't given - what kind of fans want that?

Start docking clubs points if their players continue to dive - give the sport back its life, let the paying fans get their money's worth and stop this anti-football garbage being encouraged.

Anyone watching today's game would have questioned whether they were really watching a football match or some kind of Olympic event at the swimming pool.

Furthermore, fine clubs who have players on their books who use foul and abuse language towards officials, undergo hair transplants and fuck grandmothers.
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Old 22-08-2015, 18:18   #2
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I assume you can answer any and all questions I have?
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Old 22-08-2015, 18:20   #3
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I will do my best
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"Now I absolutely despise the murderer Herzog. I tell him to his face that I want to see him perish like the llama he executed. He should be thrown to the crocodiles alive! An anaconda should throttle him slowly! The sting of a deadly spider should paralyze him! His brain should burst from the bite of the most poisonous of all snakes! Panthers shouldn't slit his throat open with their claws, that would be too good for him! No. Big red ants should piss in his eyes, eat his balls, penetrate his asshole, and eat his guts! He should get the plague! Syphilis! Malaria! Yellow fever! Leprosy! In vain. The more I wish the most horrible of deaths on him and treat him like the scum of the earth that he is, the less I can get rid of him!" - Kinski on Herzog
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Old 22-08-2015, 18:23   #4
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Assuming this is based on retrospective action, what sort of points-docking system do you envisage? A point per dive? A point every 3-5 dives? Only points gained directly due to the advantage a dive created?

Also, who are you to stop someone having sexy time with a hot granny? Just because you couldn't get her. Jealousy has no place here
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Old 22-08-2015, 18:33   #5
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Firstly, I will grant you that last point.

I'm thinking of a system designed to punish repeat offenders/teams. Here are my basic ideas:

- If the dive leads directly to something game-changing (a goal, a red card) the player will receive a 3-match ban and the team docked two points - we aren't fucking about here. Whether you're a first time offender (player or team) or not, this is the law. If it happens in a cup tie, you may well be booted out, or the game replayed.

- If the player/team is a first-time offender, and the dive of no real consequence, the player will be banned for one match and the club fined 500,000. If it happens again (involving either the same player or club), three match ban and 2 point deduction apply for every instance. If the player/club are guilty on five separate occasions, they will be banned for 10 matches and the club docked 5 points. This will be true of every instance thereafter. Heavy fines will also be imposed.

You can't be having a 1 point deduction for every instance, as it will encourage clubs to do it anyway, since they'll still be a point better off when going for a win (2 points evidently being better than 1).
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"Now I absolutely despise the murderer Herzog. I tell him to his face that I want to see him perish like the llama he executed. He should be thrown to the crocodiles alive! An anaconda should throttle him slowly! The sting of a deadly spider should paralyze him! His brain should burst from the bite of the most poisonous of all snakes! Panthers shouldn't slit his throat open with their claws, that would be too good for him! No. Big red ants should piss in his eyes, eat his balls, penetrate his asshole, and eat his guts! He should get the plague! Syphilis! Malaria! Yellow fever! Leprosy! In vain. The more I wish the most horrible of deaths on him and treat him like the scum of the earth that he is, the less I can get rid of him!" - Kinski on Herzog
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Old 22-08-2015, 18:40   #6
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Originally Posted by BarnDoor View Post
Firstly, I will grant you that last point.

I'm thinking of a system designed to punish repeat offenders/teams. Here are my basic ideas:

- If the dive leads directly to something game-changing (a goal, a red card) the player will receive a 3-match ban and the team docked two points - we aren't fucking about here. Whether you're a first time offender (player or team) or not, this is the law. If it happens in a cup tie, you may well be booted out, or the game replayed.

- If the player/team is a first-time offender, and the dive of no real consequence, the player will be banned for one match and the club fined 500,000. If it happens again (involving either the same player or club), three match ban and 2 point deduction apply for every instance. If the player/club are guilty on five separate occasions, they will be banned for 10 matches and the club docked 5 points. This will be true of every instance thereafter. Heavy fines will also be imposed.

You can't be having a 1 point deduction for every instance, as it will encourage clubs to do it anyway, since they'll still be a point better off when going for a win (2 points evidently being better than 1).
A fair set of answers but you opened yourself up to one: what if a player dives multiple times in a single match? Do the aforementioned sanctions get automatically lumped one on top of the other for a supreme potential 10-match ban and five point deduction from five dives by a single player in a match? Or a club sanction for a total of five dives in one game?

Are all dives equal, bar their direct impact on a key event? Or is holding your face after being hit on the knee/rolling around for five minutes a graver offence?
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Old 22-08-2015, 18:44   #7
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The cunt didn't even get booked for that, yet one of our players got booked (rightfully so in retrospect) the other week. Double bloody standards!
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Old 22-08-2015, 18:50   #8
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A fair set of answers but you opened yourself up to one: what if a player dives multiple times in a single match? Do the aforementioned sanctions get automatically lumped one on top of the other for a supreme potential 10-match ban and five point deduction from five dives by a single player in a match? Or a club sanction for a total of five dives in one game?

Are all dives equal, bar their direct impact on a key event? Or is holding your face after being hit on the knee/rolling around for five minutes a graver offence?
If a player dives multiple times in one match (let's say 3) he will receive a supreme 10-match ban and the club docked 3 points the first time this happens. I would also sack every official involved for not picking up on it. Fool me once and all that.

Play-acting is different. The club won't be punished for that, but the player will receive an extra match ban on top of the dive and be fined 2 weeks wages.
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"Now I absolutely despise the murderer Herzog. I tell him to his face that I want to see him perish like the llama he executed. He should be thrown to the crocodiles alive! An anaconda should throttle him slowly! The sting of a deadly spider should paralyze him! His brain should burst from the bite of the most poisonous of all snakes! Panthers shouldn't slit his throat open with their claws, that would be too good for him! No. Big red ants should piss in his eyes, eat his balls, penetrate his asshole, and eat his guts! He should get the plague! Syphilis! Malaria! Yellow fever! Leprosy! In vain. The more I wish the most horrible of deaths on him and treat him like the scum of the earth that he is, the less I can get rid of him!" - Kinski on Herzog
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Old 22-08-2015, 18:55   #9
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I've got a simpler way to deal with divers

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Old 22-08-2015, 19:13   #10
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Originally Posted by BarnDoor View Post
If a player dives multiple times in one match (let's say 3) he will receive a supreme 10-match ban and the club docked 3 points the first time this happens. I would also sack every official involved for not picking up on it. Fool me once and all that.

Play-acting is different. The club won't be punished for that, but the player will receive an extra match ban on top of the dive and be fined 2 weeks wages.
What happens if Tom Daley dives?
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Old 22-08-2015, 19:13   #11
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Well done boys, on completely missing the point of the thread....

Enjoy more turgid football from the defensive 10 men behind the ball masters

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Old 22-08-2015, 19:17   #12
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What happens if Tom Daley dives?
I will only allow it if it takes place from a very high building with a bucket of water placed at the bottom.
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"Now I absolutely despise the murderer Herzog. I tell him to his face that I want to see him perish like the llama he executed. He should be thrown to the crocodiles alive! An anaconda should throttle him slowly! The sting of a deadly spider should paralyze him! His brain should burst from the bite of the most poisonous of all snakes! Panthers shouldn't slit his throat open with their claws, that would be too good for him! No. Big red ants should piss in his eyes, eat his balls, penetrate his asshole, and eat his guts! He should get the plague! Syphilis! Malaria! Yellow fever! Leprosy! In vain. The more I wish the most horrible of deaths on him and treat him like the scum of the earth that he is, the less I can get rid of him!" - Kinski on Herzog
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Old 22-08-2015, 19:18   #13
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I will only allow it if it takes place from a very high building with a bucket of water placed at the bottom.
You know, this could all actually work

Would you be willing to allow for bigger Premier League squad sizes given that some teams will be decimated by the third round of fixtures? Or does that defeat the purpose of truly punishing them for their vile employees?
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Old 22-08-2015, 19:30   #14
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Well done boys, on completely missing the point of the thread....

Enjoy more turgid football from the defensive 10 men behind the ball masters
So playing within the rules and employing a tactic to get the best result deserves punishment, but outright cheating doesn't? Interesting logic....
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Old 22-08-2015, 19:43   #15
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So playing within the rules and employing a tactic to get the best result deserves punishment, but outright cheating doesn't? Interesting logic....
As far as I was aware (correct me if I'm mistaken), you get carded if caught diving.

Or is that no longer the case??
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