What can my brother do?

[Nifty1Pound50]

Originally Posted by muscularmatt

How old is he? If he's under about 21 don't panic

This.

He's just done his A-levels, so he's presumably 18.

The fact that he got two A-levels at C grade means he has more than a lot of people.

I have a friend who gave up on education midway through his GCSEs, meaning all he had to show for it was about 3 mid-grade GCSE qualifications.

He is now 26 and earning almost £30k a year working for an e-mail marketing company.

The moral of the story: there is plenty more to progressing in a career than academic qualifications.

I'm going to assume he lives at home, still - give him a bit of time to get bored of his own company. Don't give him money. Make sure your parents don't, either. Then all of a sudden, tell him he needs to start paying some rent in the upcoming months. He will have no choice but to find a way to earn his crust. If that ends up being by selling drugs, then at least he'll have confirmed his status as a low-life early enough in life that you can cut him out emotionally long-term.

[Hunter]

Originally Posted by Nifty1Pound50

I'm going to assume he lives at home, still - give him a bit of time to get bored of his own company. Don't give him money. Make sure your parents don't, either. Then all of a sudden, tell him he needs to start paying some rent in the upcoming months. He will have no choice but to find a way to earn his crust. If that ends up being by selling drugs, then at least he'll have confirmed his status as a low-life early enough in life that you can cut him out emotionally long-term.

Or alternatively, it could demonstrate that he has somewhat of an entrepreneurial business spirit, but it's just misguided. If that direction could be refocused upon a legitimate venture, then an exciting future could lay ahead.

But of course, we're going a touch off topic here.

As for achieving two A-Levels at C-grade. That's not bad. I know plenty of people who achieved primarily C-grades at A-Level before going on to be successful in their chosen degree areas at university, obtaining usually a 2:1 degree. Sure, some went to uni and dropped out after the first year, but that's only some. Being away and living, paying bills etc, provides a greater sense of responsibility, especially considering work at university is dependent more upon the individual, as opposed to being spoonfed everything by teachers, as is the case more so in school and sometimes at college. It may provide a stronger sense of achievement and self-worth for him, which is obviously an important factor.

As for his 'interest' in playing video games all day... why not gather some information on Computer Games Design courses? Or something along those lines. Is he a creative person, a numbers person? etc.

And Berry's suggestion on page 1 I believe of volunteering a few hours a week to a local charity shop is also very good. Funnily enough though, it can sometimes be difficult trying to volunteer with local organisations and charities - simply because there's such high demand (or at least that's usually the case where I live, which is quite a wonderful thing really), so if he's to go this route for the summer, make sure he gets in contact and puts the wheels in motion ASAP.

[Jonno394]

There are some really good suggestions in this thread viper; voluntary work is not for everyone though, and I know some extremes where it has been tantamount slavery with no recognition given by the people you are working for.

I'm sure there will be plenty of careers fairs, especially at local universities come september, and they are open for everyone to attend, maybe see if he wants to pop along to one of them?

One option we havent discussed is the following:

[Amateur]

Originally Posted by Hunter

And Berry's suggestion on page 1 I believe of volunteering a few hours a week to a local charity shop is also very good. Funnily enough though, it can sometimes be difficult trying to volunteer with local organisations and charities - simply because there's such high demand (or at least that's usually the case where I live, which is quite a wonderful thing really), so if he's to go this route for the summer, make sure he gets in contact and puts the wheels in motion ASAP.

Most of the people (myself included) that I've known who have developed an addiction to some drug, are using it as an escape from whatever it is they do not want to answer, so charity work, sure it will initially not be as entertaining as video games, but the feeling of having a reason to feel proud about something that you're doing, well the person might end up using the charity work as his new escape, he feels a bit better about himself and doesn't have to look at all those unanswered questions at the back of his mind.

It sounds like a good start, but at the same time, I fear it could become an excuse to prolong having to face the actual source of the problem: "fuck you, I'm doing charity work, leave me alone" is something that a person with real problems might say after doing some charity work.

Then if charities are not an option that is regularly available, he might just get a job at WalMart or something like that, since at least the thought that he is "working" gives him enough peace of mind to dance around the real source of the problem, and then he might find that, after two years of working for charities and whatnot, he still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.

Another thing to consider, is that a person in that condition, has plenty of reasons to feel desperate, and jumping from the shallow entertainment that video games are to the brutal reality of voluntary work, is not always the best option for a person who I'm assuming doesn't have anything to fall back on. If we were talking about a different type of addiction, then charity work could be very positive, but a video game addiction at such an early age suggests that the kid must not have a lot of the experience that is necessary in the real world, he doesn't have that experience to fall back on, I would take it slower if that was the case.

I say this (of course), thinking about a person who has developed an addiction towards video games and therefore towards a reclusive life at such an early age, I simply do not believe that such a person is equipped to handle the real world without suffering major setbacks, and I personally think he doesn't need the major setbacks, there are better options out there, options that although slower in the short term might end up being faster and better in the long term.

And having said all that, a very important factor to the equation is (a) knowing if the time that his brother spends playing video games amounts to an actual addiction, and (b) knowing more or less how many years of addiction. If it doesn't even amount to a real addiction, and if it's less than one year that he's been playing video games and getting bad grades, then I do not even think that's something to be concerned about.

[BarnDoor]

I got to say Viperized - being embarrassed of your brother - you're coming across as a bit of a cunt. If he was hit by a bus tomorrow I imagine deep down you'd be relieved.

[Jonno394]

Barn, it's the way you feel about your older brother though.....

[muscularmatt]

This thread should be renamed 'Help! I'm a socially malformed middle class turd and one of my family members has left school and isn't a doctor yet!'

[BarnDoor]

Originally Posted by Jonno394

Barn, it's the way you feel about your older brother though.....

Which is why we buried him last night. There was no relief; only joy.

[Jonno394]

Christ, digging a hole for that fucker must have taken all day.

[BarnDoor]

We had your gran do it before we bundled her in alive with him. We took no chances.

[Jonno394]

I'm surprised she didn't keel over and die during because we had her digging one for your grandad only a few hours before

[Viperized]

Originally Posted by BarnDoor

I got to say Viperized - being embarrassed of your brother - you're coming across as a bit of a cunt. If he was hit by a bus tomorrow I imagine deep down you'd be relieved.

Lol.

I have a pretty bad relationship with my brother, but it isn't THAT bad. Besides, is it bad to be embrassed by someone who appears to have no career prospects? It's only because I care about him. I want my brother to do well, as opposed to seemingly doing absolutely nothing all day and all night.

@Amateur. I don't think he is addicted to video games. He is addicted to wasting time. The fact he would go out with his friends every few days during the revision period is criminal itself. I think his friends are also an issue. They simply do not give a fuck about their studies.

Voluntary work may sound okay, but I suspect there is no chance he will do that simply because he won't get paid. The fact he asks my dad for cash when mowing the lawn is bad enough.

[BarnDoor]

You can't be embarrassed by him AND want him to do well because you care about him. If you're concerned about him as a loving brother who wants to see him do well then fair enough, but I'm not getting that here. The way you've talked about him here it's as though you view him as a burden and are disgusted by his mere existence, seeing him as a blemish to your reputation. This is also perfectly understandable but at least admit to it.

[Hunter]

Originally Posted by Viperized

Lol.
The fact he would go out with his friends every few days during the revision period is criminal itself.

I personally wouldn't say that seeing friends during "revision periods" is criminal, or even that bad. Everyone prepares for exams differently. I usually like to focus in complete silence whilst revising, whilst also revising in short bursts, otherwise my concentration may drift. I also know of friends who can do little revision, go out a few times prior to exams and still do very well, simply because it's comforting to them I imagine, and relaxes their nerves and mind. As I say, we all prepare for things differently.

Originally Posted by Viperized

Voluntary work may sound okay, but I suspect there is no chance he will do that simply because he won't get paid. The fact he asks my dad for cash when mowing the lawn is bad enough.

There's a degree of flexibility with volunteer work usually, such as opting for days or afternoons that might be most suitable for you, so I imagine he may be able to ease into the process steadily if he considers it.

[Viperized]

Originally Posted by Hunter

I personally wouldn't say that seeing friends during "revision periods" is criminal, or even that bad. Everyone prepares for exams differently. I usually like to focus in complete silence whilst revising, whilst also revising in short bursts, otherwise my concentration may drift. I also know of friends who can do little revision, go out a few times prior to exams and still do very well, simply because it's comforting to them I imagine, and relaxes their nerves and mind. As I say, we all prepare for things differently.

I find it bad when you do nothing all day.

If he at least put some effort in his school work I would not have minded.

Currently his life simply seems to revolve around playing games or wasting time on the laptop.