Online is a joke if you play the kids in the lobby. But it always has been. 2011: Barca, Madrid, one-twos, massive through balls and cutbacks all day long. 2012: Barca, Madrid, full assist passing ping-pong and silly dribbling. It wouldn't matter what Konami did, you'd never get a decent game off them because they're not interested in playing football, they just want to win at a computer game. They'll do whatever it takes.
If you play 1v1 on Top Player with the passing assistance totally off, and don't bother with the superteams (Barca, Real, Milan etc), and both of you are trying to play realistically, this is an incredible game of PES. Seriously - there are still issues with it, but they don't mean very much anymore because the whole game changes completely. It's very hard, pretty slow, takes a huge amount of concentration, and suddenly stupid goals don't happen any more often than they do in real life. Both players are forced to play proper football, and it's amazing.
Trouble is, unless you form your own community or seek out a fair-play online league where people are going to play like this (there are one or two of these on PS3, dunno about Xbox), you won't find many players like that. But the problem is definitely with the players more than the game. You'll see that as soon as you play it this other way... if you get the chance.
1 v cpu, that's a different story. The AI is pretty frustrating this year, it's good but it's full of little superpowered tweaks Konami have put in to make it more challenging. Can suck the fun out of the game a bit, although I've still had a few good sessions. But really, 1v1 unassisted simulation style is the only way to go. Sadly, most of the online PES world is not sufficiently mature to play this way... and I doubt it ever will be.
Then again, surely this forum is a good way of hooking up with other people who want to play sensibly? If everyone stops questioning each others' ages and talking about raping each others' mothers, maybe you could find a solution to your problem?